I just feel like it is all MY fault. I don't know how to let him "own" his mistakes . . because he won't . . he'll run from them as long as he possibly can . . so I feel like I am left picking up ALL the pieces. I do understand what you are saying about just letting go. I guess I only feel like I can't let go of all of the past . . because the D is present . . well I guess technically future. But you know what I mean dontacha?
I really do have a GREAT group of friends . . .we are just all at that point where they are wrapping up school and starting to move and what not. I do have plans for Sunday or Monday . . actually not too sure of which yet. To go up to the farm and ride again. My friend just bought a horse (arrived the last time I went to ride) and he pulls (as in a cart) so we are going to take him out in the cart and probably ride as well. Should be good time. She's in the play . . . the one I went to see last Sunday. So that's tonight through Sat. night. Tomorrow like I said we get up and leave around 7 to go to Hershey for the ultrasound on Kiya's kidneys. . . PRAY FOR MY BABY!
Right now that is weighing the heaviest on my mind. . . . I am just torn up about my babies health. I'm wondering if it didn't have a lot to with my freak out this morning. I mean it's easier to worry about my H being with OW because it's not the life of my baby. Once again do you understand where I am coming from?
It is hard for me to get to church. I don't feel that I "get anything" from going with my Dad. But it's hard as of yet for me to go alone. Give me a little bit to get my license and then it will be a different story. I went with a friend a few weeks ago . . . but her work schedule doesn't let her go every week. I will work on that though RB . . you have my word *not that it means much to ya*
So . . . I don't know . . pray for my daughter.
Well the day is almost over and I haven't called . . I have no desire to tonight. Good thing for all of you! Thanks guys. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
