I am still a little stressed but I don't feel half as bad. I don't know why I want to call him so badly. It's only been 4 days since I've seen him and 3 since we talked. I guess it all has to do with losing him to the OW. If he was going to just be miserable by himself I guess it would be a different story. But he doesn't have to feel anymore pain because he's got in justified in his head as he tried to come back and I make him unhappy and she makes him happy. So he's made the right decision. If he does start to miss me he'll remind himself of that. That he doesn't feel he can be away from her. Because he fell in love with her last. He's loved me longer so it's not all the emotional infatuation crap. With her it's fresh and new and spicy if you will. I understand that our bonds were stronger . . but they've been building those same bond for 8 months now. I guess that's why it hurts.
Why can't I just not care like you said RB. I wish I could snap my fingers and make my feelings for him go away . . like he has for me. That's why it hurts. It's like getting hit in the face with a ton of bricks. I knew she was a threat . . . but never in my life did I actually think she would "win". I thought our marriage and two kids proved that he loved me. . . boy was I wrong.
I understand that he's not "worthy" of me right now . . . but I'm worried it'll never get fixed. Maybe now it really is too broken. I guess I could deal with it being unfixable if he wasn't going to get remarried and possibly live happily ever after. I mean if he does get remarried and live happily . . then that will just prove that it was all my fault this marriage didn't work. I don't want to face that. How will I deal with that?
