I don't know how to make myself NOT call him I haven't yet. But I know just what you are saying Muddle about "what you resist persist."
So now I am to the point where I am telling myself there wouldn't be any harm in calling him. BUT . . . I know that she could end up with my number again. It doesn't seem fair that he can't call and find out about the girls, I mean Kiya has a doctors appointment tomorrow . . and Felina's b-day is next week. It really does make me look like the bad guy. Most of all though . . I miss him . . and I want HIM to be able to call and chat . . I just don't want to fear picking up the phone because it could be HER on the other end. OH MY . . . .
Quote: No it doesn't, it makes HIM look like the bad guy.
DON'T CALL!!!!!!!
Thanks t2sp . . . I only said that because I changed my number so now even if he tried to call he wouldn't be able to get ahold of me. I feel bad about that. I mean it's not like he ever really called anyway. I had more problems with her calling. I hated that she would constantly try to call because I know she doesn't believe the stuff he tells her. Now that I am out of the picture though they have nothing to worry about. I just feel so low. I want to call. . . I don't know why, it's almost unbearable. I've even had the phone in my hand a few times. BUT I just end up crying because I know I shouldn't call. I just REALLY want to. I don't want to put myself out of the running.
He always said if he could just walk away and keep walking (sever all contact) he would never look back. I've done that for him. I didn't think about that when I changed my number . . I thought about her not being able to call . . . I guess I thought it would drive him crazy and he would call someone else to try to get ahold of me. No such luck . . I'm the only one going crazy because of this situation.
Stop second guessing yourself. Don't call him. You're just in a "low"...that's when you miss the SOB. Keep looking up at the top of the hole. See that light? Go towards it. You'll have your grip back in no time.
Don't you see the pattern here? You feel good for a while, then you crash....feeling good one day...down the next... I promise you a day is coming when the highs will last longer and longer and the lows just won't be quite so low.
That is the process. We all go through it. It IS possible to maintain some dignity in this process though. YOU JUST DON'T CONTACT HIM.
Let's see if this helps...
He betrayed you. He betrayed his daughters. He lied to you...right to your face. REPEATEDLY. He's making future plans with Cassie...a grade A piece of crap pitifully sorry excuse for a woman. He doesn't help to even buy diapers or formula or food...he was not even calling to see if you and the kids needed anything. He left you. Left the babies. For a slut that will screw him over the minute another man looks at her twice. He's dead to you.
Emily, stop! Do not call your H. It will not make you feel better, it will make you feel worse.
Only 3 things could happen:
1) He's rude to you -- you feel bad and angry 2) He's nice to you -- you feel confused and all your progress slides away 3) The OW gets your number and starts harrassing you again
Let. It. Go. Just for today. Take deep breaths.
Not calling gives YOU the power. It gives YOU the upper hand and makes him wonder. Believe me, you don't think he is, but he is. Don't lose all that progress in a moment of weakness.
Tell us you went out for ice cream...that you took a nap with the kids....that you're making paper dolls with Felina...ANYTHING BUT THAT YOU CALLED HIIIIMMMMM!
Nor do I. And if she did call him, he undoubtedly told her some very hurtful things. I think Kevin will tell her anything at this point, just to get her to leave him alone.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
!!!!