Quote: What's he gonna do next, write about you in his slam book and tell you that you can't sit at the "cool" lunch table anymore? His actions are those of a 12 year old, seriously. Don't let it bug you and don't stoop to his level.
He might try to tell me just that.
Thanks. . . you're right.
I just need to snap out of this. . . it's just hard. I just want to grab those stones you talked about and rip 'em off. No more babies for him. Bet he'd really cry then.
I don't miss him and all his lies. I would take him back yeah . . but I don't really want him back. I won't allow him to see that it bothers me.
I won't call him . . nor will I e-mail him. He certainly won't take time out of his "new life" to call and check on his kids. Well actually now he would have to e-mail. LOL!!!!
I slammed that door right in his face. Hope he likes that feeling . . I've felt it over and over and over.
I still don't like that she "wins" that bugs the hell outta me. Really it does. I want to beat her down. I'm scrappy . . . she's not. HA! Maybe that's it. . . he didn't like that I could defend myself . . . he wants to have to protect someone. I NEVER let him protect me . . I'll fight my damn battles thank you very much.
I know that I am strong enough . . it's all in keeping the mindset. When he cuts at me like this it REALLY hurts. He knows it does.
I got an e-mail from my good pal Mark . . I'll have to copy paste it here so you can read. It's great . . I have the best friends
I can identify with being a stay-at-home mom with little girls that are 100% dependent on you and you alone. I also know what it's like to have that damned computer there in front of you, beckoning for you to go check on "things".
Some ideas that helped me through the hardest times (still now, even).... Set some goals...make a schedule for your week. Make them easy, obtainable goals that you can cross off as completed.
Rearrange furniture. Paint a room (yeah, you're probably renting. OK - get some removable wall-paper border so if you move it'll come off.)
Ok, I know- money is tight. Or, if anything like my sitch, virtually non-existent. But, I'll tell you what - the $15.99 I spent on wall-paper border was a good investment for me. I re-did a bathroom. Took me a few days. A few days that kept my mind from wandering; and kept me off the computer. Having the kids around also made it take longer. Which, was probably a good thing. lol Try hanging border when your 3 year old is playing in the potty water underneath you. LOL
So, make yourself a schedule. Make a chart for each day. Down to the hour, if you have to. Break it down.... Thursday: clean the living room, wash curtains; call legal aid; paint toenails, color hair; make an elaborate dinner. Friday: Clean bathroom; call legal aid again; go for a walk between 11-1, do laundry. ...and so forth...
...and don't be afraid to ask friends/family to watch your kids so you can have some "emily" time. If you don't get that time for yourself, you're going to burn out. Trust me - I know. 3 kids yelling mommy, mommy, mommy all day long and I'm stretched in every direction - I feel like there's not enough of me to go around.
The point is, you can find something to occupy your mind. As hard as it is. Don't wallow in self pity. It's counter productive.
And, FYI - The relationship your daughters will have with their father...well that's for them to have. As they get older, they will learn. They will learn what kind of a parent he was. They will KNOW. Maybe not now - maybe in 10 years; or 20 years from now. But someday THEY will question him. And they will decide for themselves. And, their father will lose a hell of a lot more than he will ever gain with ANY OW. Whether it's this one...or others (OW)on down the road. But that's HIS cross to bear. Not yours.
In the meantime, YOU are their role model. YOU are the person that is going to show them what it takes to be a self-sufficient woman. Yes - take the high road. It's longer, rougher, and far out of the way and sometimes filled with roadblocks & detours - but, hell - the view is well worth it and the air is clean.
PS - my opinion on the myspace thing - he tried to call you and couldn't get you. So he changed his profile. JJust to irritate you. Don't let it eat you up.
Quote: well if every one was like me it would be no fun cuz we would know the joy of beening happy. so you have to take a little bad. but i think you have taken more that you should ever have to. i just hope that one day soon a good man will find you cuz you are a sweet angel and any real man would be lucky to have a lady and great as you. oh and i would run him over for you cuz like they say im not afraied to go back to jail. lol
yea i miss dave and the guys some times too i may have to go find dave and tell him to write you are something. yea and my girl thinks he is sexy too....
I don't know why I freaked out . . . but I'm coming off the drama crying stage. Leveling already . . . you all are great.
Thanks NotMarried . . . I've been telling ACJ all the things you just told me so I know exactly what you are saying. I haven't gotten out in awhile. Too darn hot the last two days to take the girls for a walk .. YUCK. I was going to go swimming with a friend yesterday but she got held up at work. I need to do something. I cleaned this morning and started laundry (too hot to throw it in the dryer as of yet though).
My mind is just crazy .. . I knew he went back down there to her . . but as soon as it was actually in writing it hurt. Makes no sense. I know it's "over" between us. But as soon as he confirms on that damn page it hurts.
I don't know why.
I just need to stick to the people who love me and see me for what I am and not feed into their (him and OW) highschool drama.
Oh and if you go and read the myspace I really am thinking of moving . . I didn't just stick that up to make him jealous. PROMISE! My brother own his own business (VERY SUCESSFULL) . . The only hitch. It's in VA . . . so I have to wait until this custody issue is sorted out. We'll see where things go.
I don't know what to do with myself today. I am bored but I can't find the motivation to really do anything.
It's hard to keep my mind from Kevin when I'm not doing something. You all know how that is.
Isn't there a saying about idle hands and the devil?!?! Anyone know that one?
I really have nothing new to report. Call my caseworker again . . left another message. Still no call back. JEESH. Aparently they don't answer their phones.
Maybe some year this will all get straightened out. I'll be around.
Quote: Oh and if you go and read the myspace I really am thinking of moving . . I didn't just stick that up to make him jealous. PROMISE! My brother own his own business (VERY SUCESSFULL) . . The only hitch. It's in VA
Sometimes it helps to ask for a supervisor when dealing with social services... try to get back to the operator, ask if there's anyone else in the office, anything to get to a human. Pretend you're a first time caller, etc.
And if you are thinking about moving, have it written into the custody agreement. You can do that. I don't know what the laws are in PA but usually with joint custody you cannot leave the state, unless you make it part of the custody terms.
However, in your case, I don't see your H putting up much of a fight.
I keep forgetting to add:
If you haven't already, you should start documenting everything with dates. The date he last gave you money for the girls. The date he changed his phone number, leaving you no way to contact him. Once you start writing these things down, it will help just to see it in black and white. In legal matters, you have to take all the emotion out of it.
And am I correct in thinking you don't know his actual address? If you don't, then you can't let him take the girls without it. I know in my state, anyway, they would actually see that as a mark against YOU, not him, if you don't know where he lives and you released the kids to his care for a visit.
Last edited by survivinginchicago; 08/02/0606:54 PM.
He just built a house in Poquoson VA.
I have no idea what it's close to though Amy.
I'm thinking of calling and asking him if he would employ me for awhile . . . kind of help me out. Get me a change of scenery and of heart.
I'm tired of hurting and feeling stuck.
I need to get some things straightened away first:
License
Some spare money (a little padding)
Child support and custody.
But it's definately an active thought.
Thanks surviving. . . I may have to start trying to do that. At least start trying to get a hold of the operator.
I have been writing everything down.
I sort of live in my planner anyway . . .
But I even started to write down when he would call and how long . . dates he "broke up with her to come back" and obviously all the times he left.
I have pretty much EVERYTHING catalogued.
I should be good there.
Oh and don't worry . . . He will NOT take the girls out of my sight.
He won't give me his REAL address because he is living with the OW.
I only have an address for his mothers house. Not that he ever stays there.
