I can identify with being a stay-at-home mom with little girls that are 100% dependent on you and you alone. I also know what it's like to have that damned computer there in front of you, beckoning for you to go check on "things".
Some ideas that helped me through the hardest times (still now, even).... Set some goals...make a schedule for your week. Make them easy, obtainable goals that you can cross off as completed.
Rearrange furniture. Paint a room (yeah, you're probably renting. OK - get some removable wall-paper border so if you move it'll come off.)
Ok, I know- money is tight. Or, if anything like my sitch, virtually non-existent. But, I'll tell you what - the $15.99 I spent on wall-paper border was a good investment for me. I re-did a bathroom. Took me a few days. A few days that kept my mind from wandering; and kept me off the computer. Having the kids around also made it take longer. Which, was probably a good thing. lol Try hanging border when your 3 year old is playing in the potty water underneath you. LOL
So, make yourself a schedule. Make a chart for each day. Down to the hour, if you have to. Break it down.... Thursday: clean the living room, wash curtains; call legal aid; paint toenails, color hair; make an elaborate dinner. Friday: Clean bathroom; call legal aid again; go for a walk between 11-1, do laundry. ...and so forth...
...and don't be afraid to ask friends/family to watch your kids so you can have some "emily" time. If you don't get that time for yourself, you're going to burn out. Trust me - I know. 3 kids yelling mommy, mommy, mommy all day long and I'm stretched in every direction - I feel like there's not enough of me to go around.
The point is, you can find something to occupy your mind. As hard as it is. Don't wallow in self pity. It's counter productive.
And, FYI - The relationship your daughters will have with their father...well that's for them to have. As they get older, they will learn. They will learn what kind of a parent he was. They will KNOW. Maybe not now - maybe in 10 years; or 20 years from now. But someday THEY will question him. And they will decide for themselves. And, their father will lose a hell of a lot more than he will ever gain with ANY OW. Whether it's this one...or others (OW)on down the road. But that's HIS cross to bear. Not yours.
In the meantime, YOU are their role model. YOU are the person that is going to show them what it takes to be a self-sufficient woman. Yes - take the high road. It's longer, rougher, and far out of the way and sometimes filled with roadblocks & detours - but, hell - the view is well worth it and the air is clean.
PS - my opinion on the myspace thing - he tried to call you and couldn't get you. So he changed his profile. JJust to irritate you. Don't let it eat you up.
