You explain to your case worker that you and your children are in DIRE STRAITS RIGHTNOW and that he has a good paying job and is throwing money away left and right when you can't even buy diapers for your NEWBORN BABY. Remind her that you also have a two year old but can't put your kids in daycare so you can get a job.... Make her WANT to help you. Make her see that you are NOT a deadbeat just laying around sucking up welfare...they start to see everyone like that even though that is NOT the case much of the time.
YOU HAVE TO MOTIVATE her to get you what belongs to your girls.
You're getting wonderful help here. I just want to add to everyone else's advice to stay positive. You might feel helpless now, but all of this is going to forge you into one strong, amazing woman. I know! I've met other women who have been in your shoes and made it through (one her husband did come back and two forged ahead and have great lives now... one stayed divorced for about 10 years and last year met a very wonderful and caring man).
Good things will happen for you. Just hang in there.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Thanks Amy . . . they open at 9 so I'll call in then and tell her the sitch and ask her for a number and name down there. Then I'll call them and give them whatfor a little. I mean it's just waiting on them "accepting" the case. The lady I talked to yesterday even said she thinks they are just playing games.
Well those games shouldn't be played with my daughters lives. It makes me sooo angry that he will spend hand over fist for her and can't do a damn thing for his kids.
Thanks runningoutoftime . . . I'm trying to stay as positive as I possibly can. It's hard.
I am thinking of calling the phone company and changing my number and then having it stay unlisted. I don't know if that's a good idea though because I don't want to give him any fuel to add to the fire. What do you all think?
I'm having a hard time sitting in my own head this morning. Don't ask me why . . . A new day with all new (old really I guess) stresses. AYE!
Some year it has to get better right? I am trying to work my way through all of this. But I just think about him getting remarried. I just think about how he's already moved on to loving someone else (however temporary . . it's not just a fling.) I don't want to be the one hurting and left behind like that.
If we just didn't work that would be one thing . . . but for him to be engaged. It hurts.
Here's one vote for changing your number and having it unlisted.
You don't want to give him fuel for the fire?
Honey, YOU are the one he handed the gas can AND the matches to...
Emily,
He's the one that abandoned his family for some piece of trash. He's the one that walked out on YOU. He does not even have 2 sticks to rub together to START a fire, much less one you could add fuel to.
Do what's necessary for your own mental health and the well being of your girls. He knows where you live.
Quote: If we just didn't work that would be one thing . . . but for him to be engaged. It hurts.
Any advice on how to come to terms with that?
Time. That is what will help that. You COULD take some comfort in the fact that he's just a VERY messed up man that has hooked up with an even more messed up woman. Time will soon reveal all things. But YOU must take care of yourself and your girls right now.
Good point. He also knows my Mom's number it's the same as it was in highschool . . so everyone knows her number!! He can call there if he REALLY needs something.
I'll call and see how much of a run around it would be. Hopefully not much. Then I'll have to call EVERYBODY except him of course and give them the new number.
I know that he's abandoned us. . . BUT I don't want him to try to throw that back in my face like . . "well I didn't have a choice she changed her number yatta yatta yatta."
I'd like to dump the gas right on his leg and spark the ole match. OOPS . . that was mean . . . It'd be funny to watch him running in circles squawking about bein on fire though. Ladies bring some marshmallows and will make smores. Although over a "trash" fire they may not taste the best.
OK . . now I've gotten that out and made myself laugh . . I feel better!
You are so funny! I know you must be feeling better b/c you're making jokes now. In terms of the engagement, yeah, that sucks. Alison (ACJ) who's now on the MLC board is going through the same thing. Except in the UK, he can't get a D w/o her consent, so he's engaged with no end to his current M in sight. Crazy!!
Look, there's no way this thing with Crappie is going to work out. He's so up and down, back and forth. One day he wants to make things work with you, the next day, he's engaged. This makes no sense at all. And if she's willing to put up with that, hey, more power to her. Let her deal with the fallout when it happens (which it will), while you are getting on with your wonderful Emily life with your wonderful daughters.
When will you be done with your courses? Can you speed that up at all? Please make sure that if you get a job, you still finish your diploma; that's really important.
Why do you want to change your phone no? He doesn't call you much, does he? Would this help you or just be a pain in the butt? I do wonder if it might make you look bad in court, if you have to go there. If you bring up that you can't get in touch with him directly, you won't have much of an argument if he has the same problem. How about giving up your MySpace page instead? Then yucky people can't get in touch with you.
Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
It's already done. I changed my phone number. Fast and easy . . only costs about 20 dollars added to your phone bill in three easy payments . . . LOL!
I called this morning before I changed the number and told him he could call his grandmother or my mother if he needed anything, that I was having my number changed.
I did it mainly because I am sick of the OW calling me. She called me yesterday morning . . . and I have been "screening" my calls. Well now I'll be able to pick up my phone without the fear of having to listen to crap from her. I hate feeling cornered like that.
I don't care if he had the number . . he doesn't call that much and I do have his kids. But if I give him my number she'll just get it again. I DO NOT WANT HER HAVING MY NUMBER. Plain and simple. That's what I'll stand up in court and tell them too. I'll tell them to look at the phone records and see that she had been calling me.
That can't make me look bad. That I don't want his girlfriend calling and harrassing me. She gets in his phone and takes the numbers. So he'll never get my number again hopefully. I hope he enjoys the bed he's made for himself . . . I hope it's lumpy. . . the one he's made for me sure is. It's going to take a while to get all the lumps rolled out flat.
Don't worry Nicola . . no matter what I'll finish the schooling. It's slow going with the fact that Felina has STOPPED napping . . . so I don't get anytime until 8 at night . . and by then I am too pooped to even think about picking up those books. I need to get her settled back into something the resembles a routine. It's been a rough 2 weeks.
Emily, Catch me up on some details here. What are you studying for? Can we make it fun for you to study and chat with us online in the evening? I can only speak for myself, but that might be a fun change of pace for some of us. Not talking about all the mess our spouses have left for us. Holly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
