Sorry you are going through this. You are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. You are young and have two beautiful babies that you care a lot for. Don't worry about the AD thing right now - I think nicola said he has abandoned you and the girls. He really has no leg to stand on. If you need to make yourself feel better about this, document when he left and anything he has said to you. Document any time he has come to see you and the girls. Put dates and times if you can remember. Sometimes this activity is helpful and can rest your mind if you still feel worried about him fighting you for the girls.
Quote: I do NOT want to let them down . . I just don't know where to start.
I mean . . where the heck do I start? One day at time . . .
The only way you would let them down is if you don't do anything. So yes - one day at a time. Maybe even one hour at a time. I know you feel like you have wasted time - but Emily you are still very young (okay now I am feeling old ....) at 21. You have your whole life ahead of you. Make it what you want!
Will there be struggles along the way? YES Will it be easy? NO Will there be times you want to give up? YES But will it all be worth it in the end? YEEEESSSSSSSS!
If you are someone that has always had a man in your life, then don't worry about needing someone in your life right now. You can still stand for your marriage (even if your H is a jacka$$). IMHO the most important thing for you to do is focus on yourself. Be happy completely with Emily. By the time you do this work, you can reassess your M and R - explore your feelings.
Emily here are some things to think about that I got from a Dr. Phil book. I think it is called Life Strategies or Strategies something like that. They may help get you in the mindset of how to create the Emily you have always wanted:
Life Strategies: "Ten Laws of Life"
Life Law #1: You Either Get it or you Don't. Strategy: Become one of those who gets it.
Life Law #2: You Create Your Own Experience Strategy: Acknowledge and Accept Accountability for Your Life
Life Law #3: People Do What Works Strategy: Identify Payoffs That Drive Your Behavior and That of Others
Life Law #4: You Cannot Change What You Do Not Acknowledge Strategy: Get Real With Yourself About Life and Everybody In It
Life Law #5: Life Rewards Action Strategy: Make Careful Decisions and Then Pull The Trigger
Life Law #6: There is No Reality; Only Perception Strategy: Identify the Filters Through Which You View The World
Life Law #7: Life is Managed; It Is Not Cured Strategy: Learn to Take Charge of Your LIfe
Life Law #8: We Teach People How to Treat Us Strategy: Own, Rather Than Complain About, How People Treat You
Life Law #9: There is Power in Forgiveness Strategy: Open Your Eyes to What Anger and Resentment Are Doing to you
Life Law #10: You Have to Name It Before You Can Claim It Strategy: Get Clear About What you Want and Take Your Turn
