Well, I now realize how much my marital problems, living knowing about the OM, and DBing is taking a toll on me and affecting what I am doing at work.

I have made some minor screwups at work that my boss noticed. Remember I was recently promoted from a hotel in Denver to a hotel in Chicago. Well I went down to his office to "face the music" and he pointed out my shortcomings. He started to ask if I was under stress and how were things going at home. He then said that the most stressfull situations in life are losing a loved one (which I feel like I have sometimes), moving (which I just got done doing), and then he asked me if I knew what the third one was. The answer was changing jobs (which I did 4 months ago with out my family and going through separation). I told him marriage problems and proceeded to break down in tears.

I was so embarassed. I had been keeping so much inside. . . .can't talk to my wife about anything (not talking about R), living like the OM isn't the OM and just a friend, trying hard to project a PMA. I was keeping all of this bottled up and didn't realize that it was taking such a toll on me. My boss said some words that really set something off with me. My boss then listened to me for a while and told me to talk to him whenever I needed to. I went back later and thanked him for listening to me and apologized for my emotional outburst.

Since we have been back in Chicago I have not been able to workout or go to church. These were things that helped me keep my focus off of the problems that I was having and allowed me to channel some of those energies to something more positive.

On a more positive note, I have noticed slight changes in my wifes behavior. During my days off she was including me in things that she liked to do. Asked me if I wanted to watch TV shows with her. She picked me up from work on Wednesday and when I got in the car she offered me a kiss. That was only one of two times since I brought her to Chicago that she has GIVEN me a kiss. It seemed like she wasn't calling OM a lot while I was off, although she did talk to him for over one and a half hours last night after I went to bed.

I am just trying to focus on the positive things, be a good husband, not pursue, and give her space.

I just felt that I needed to get some things out and I should probably journal more. Especially since I found that I am keeping things bottled up a lot.

Thanks. . . .any thoughts?

Tony

M 34 H 34 Together 8 yrs Married 7 yrs Son 2 1/2 Son 2 1/2 SD 12