Wife coming but still involved with OM

[Spirit_of_Hope]

Ok. I haven't posted in a while so here is what is going on lately.

I was doing good detatching myself for a couple of days. Giving space, no ILY's, no kissing, etc. Until one night when I was coming down the stairway to say goodnight to W. I stopped at the bottom of the stairway and heard W ask OM on phone something to the effect of "I thought we both had the same feelings for each other." I went outside and smoked a cigarette with her. When we came upstairs (I couldn't help myself) I asked what was going on lately with her and OM because I heard her say something on the phone (BTW she talks to him EVERY night for about 1 hour at least). She said, "What did you hear?" with a "what now?" tone. I told her and she couldn't for the life of her remember what her conversation was about just 5 mins earlier. I told her nevermind if it was going to take that long for her to make something up.

**I hate it when I backslide from my DBing**

Well, that irked her and she got mad and told me that she did not need to explain or tell me ANYTHING!! I told her she was right. I just keep trying to remind myself that it is not about me. She told me what she was telling him but I could tell it just wasn't true.

We then had a little R talk in bed. She told me that I just want her back now because she didn't want me. I went on to explain to her that was not true and told her why. I said that over the last couple of years of our marriage when we were doing everything wrong to try to get along. We didn't communicate well, I interpretted her pressure and anger and bitterness towards me, I retreated and she further pressured. . . .REPEAT. I thought that we would never be happy together as she probably did as well even though she was committed to our marriage. I then said that after she separated from me I started reading Michelle's books, especially DR. I told her that after reading this book I learned that we could be happy together and it really helped me understand the dynamics of our relationship which I never had before. It was like I saw the light.

I told her that I made an appt with an MC. She twirled her finger in the air and said "Yay" very sarcastically with a whoopty doo attitude. I told her that she did not need to go if she didn't want to but that I would be attending to work on myself at the very least. She said that she would go because I wanted her to. I asked what her goal was going to be in MC. She told me that her goal was to do whatever was best for her family. I know she knows what that is because she is in Chicago with me. I thank God for that daily.

When we finished our convo in bed. . .it wasn't anything to over the top or emotional. . .I asked her if I could have a kiss goodnight. She rolled over and gave me a very nice (not passionate) kiss. I loved it. I said, "Thanks, that was a nice kiss." She said, "Well, I meant it. Whatever that means." I told her, "I know what she means."

Well, two days later W gets upset that I didn't get up and help with the boys when she got up. I really am trying hard to fix a lot of my old, bad habits. I guess this was one of them. I tried to let some of her hurtful comments roll off but then I reacted to something she said and told her, "give me a break!" She said that I was never going to change and was basically said that she is just being herself which I know isn't true. She has such a loving side to her that I haven't seen in a long time. I know that the W that I am talking to now is very hurt and confused.

She still hasn't really come clean about her R with OM. I KNOW that there was and still, to some extent, is something going on between them. Missingwifey but it best when he said it was like living with an ELEPHANT in my living room. She knows that I know there is something going on with them.

Why is she afraid or not wanting to tell me??? Is she afraid that if she says something she will not want to come back or is she ashamed of the R with OM?? I know that W wouldn't tell her family members or friends.

So, now on to the title of my post. W goes out with a friend of hers and two friends of mine from work that I introduced her to for a girls night out. She comes home pretty buzzed and goes to bed. We wake up in the middle of the night and make love (I think just sex for her) for the first time since April. It felt great to be close and intimate with her again and to kiss her passionately. Afterwards we were lying in bed and she tells me how hungry she is (it is 430 in the morning) and wants a burrito. I leave and buy us burritos. We eat them in bed. It was kind of fun and romantic at the same time. I love when I can take care of her now. It really makes me feel good to do nice things for her. Then we start talking about our twin sons (2 yo). We then go get the boys and bring them to bed with us.

Well, today I was looking at our phone calls to see if she is cutting down contact with OM. She actually called OM when I was driving around looking for burritos at 430am!! It hurt me to see that for the first time in months we made love and the first thing that she thinks of to do when I leave is to call him!!! I don't know how she would explain that one.

I won't say anything. I am just going to save the OM talk for MC.

I am going to act like I don't know anything still.

Should I ask her if last night's love making was just sex for her? I could tell that she was detached somewhat but I just loved being with her again.

I know that I need to detach more but considering our intimacy last night should I test the waters and pursue or inquire about R some??

Any help appreciated.

Thanks,
TT