Wife coming but still involved with OM

[Spirit_of_Hope]

I just wanted to do a little journaling. . . .please comment if you like.

Not a whole lot has changed since we have arrived in Chicago. We have been unpacking a lot and I am doing my share rather than the old me that would do a little and then get lost.

I have not brought up the OM. She still hasn't admitted to me at all that her relationship with him was more than she let on. Maybe she never will and that is something that I am going to have to live with.

I have cut out almost all affection. Rather than trying to give random kisses to her throughout the day - which were not that well received sometimes - I only give her a hug and kiss on cheek when I get home from work. I don't kiss her before I leave in the morning which used to be a ritual of ours. I don't kiss her when we lay down for bed either. I just say, "Sweet dreams, Babe." and maybe put my arm around her.

I am just trying to give her the time and space she needs to figure out what she is doing.

She has made some positive comments like she is enjoying this place more than she thought and maybe she would like to stay here for a couple of years rather than going back to Denver ASAP (trying to avoid Denver since that is where OM lives).

She did get a bit angry with me last night and told me that one thing that will never change about me is that I put off tasks around house, etc to the point they never get done. I had promised that I would do something before I went to bed but wanted to take advantage of some time on the porch together smoking a cigarette. I told her that I promised to do it before I went to bed. Then I realized that she really wanted some time alone to talk to the OM who she said she was going to call back. I was sitting next to her when she talked to him the 1st time so she probably couldn't tell him how much she missed him and all that BS. So, I went upstairs and did my chore. I guess a 180 I need to do is to just do things right away so that I don't forget or put off indefinitely.

I am trying to be patient waiting for change. I guess we have only been back together for about 2 weeks so I can't really expect much yet.

We did agree during our drive to Chicago to give our marriage at least one year before she made a decision about D. She tried to make it six months but I told her that let's at least give it the time of our lease.

So, I have a year to continue the change in myself. . . .hopefully she will come out of this fantasy land with OM. Thank God we are 1000 miles away from him now. I can only hope that this distance will fizzle their relationship.

I have learned from reading posts on this site that her R with the OM is not about me.

Thanks for listening. . . .any thoughts?

TT