Positively 3rd thread - how do you deal with this?

[RBinBR]

I am surrounded by our memories, and he is in another world, that's how. In fact I discovered today, that in his trunk in the garage, are all of the little love notes and cards and photos from when we courted. And all of the cards since we were married are in his office here. All the gifts, photos, most of the things that represent our life are here. So he is in another world with new stuff where he has no reminders of us. And I, on the other hand, feel I am surrounded by H in my home. We were married here in the back yard, with all of our friends and family. I gave myself over in every way, the space here is our space. It is not the same now with him missing. I can hardly stand it sometimes. And I want to let him know, I want him to know how it is for me. And I can't? I was in dispair.

This may seem to be a radical idea, but I think you eventually should consider moving out. For me, getting my own apartment and leaving the memories, pictures, honeymoon souveniers, etc. behind was incredibly liberating. In the long term, PL, you won't be happy in that house without him.

But when H and I have the $$ conversation, I realized I am not willing to have him pay less into our household just so I can make it easier for H to spend $$ on his A. Is this wrong? I am not squirreling away $$ in preparation for H leaving. I am acting like he will be staying right here, and if I keep myself up this way, H will never be able to resist

It's hard to really detach when you are dependent on your H for $$$, isn't it? I hate to say this, but I think it's very dangerous for you to plan your future based on your H's changing and coming back. I know that you won't squirrel money away or do anything deceitful, but I also don't think you should let him continue to blow all YOUR money (and half of it is yours) on the OW. That isn't being generous ... that's enabling the affair.

PL, I'm going to ask you a tough question: are worries about money (possibly unfounded) keeping you from taking the best course of action in your sitch? If so, then I think you need to talk to a lawyer about protecting yourself financially.

Just my two cents...