Quote: The OW is apparently a mess, so that helps H feels stronger and more powerful and together. Around me, I think he is feeling like he messed up and failed. How do you turn that around? It seems like that is mostly his work to do. But is some of it mine? I do affirm him and praise and acknowledge him whenever I have the opportunity. However, I am not sure how much sinks in.
Ok, I'll give this one a try. I think one of the best ways to flip this is to learn to accept him as he is, without trying to fill OR empty his glass. I think one of the major reasons people may be put on edge by your happiness/PMA, is that it feels to them like they have to change to meet your attitude, which, by your wish that the world would be overrun by happiness, you DO want them to do. No matter how someone feels, thinking that they have to conform to someone else's mood/attitude all the time is a bit off-putting I think. Also, I think many people see it as a false front, even if it's not, and even if they've know you as being that way for years.
I think you correctly identified the problem that your H likes how he feels around OW because he gets to be the "fuller" of the two of them, the one with the good attitude (in comparison) and most of all, he doesn't constantly feel like he's living up to an ideal that he either doesn't share, or isn't capable of right now.
I feel that this paradox is one of the potential areas where DB backfires sometimes. I think our cheerfulness, in the face of such turmoil often gets taken as an act and in some way, deceit. Our PMA is looked at as a lie, one that I guess may cause them pain.
So, back to how you combat this. Maybe by realizing that your H can BE happy without living in the same PMA bubble you do, and more than that, YOU can be happy without making sure everyone knows it.
I sure hope what I am saying is not taken as me wanting you to get rid of the PMA, just that it may be helpful to reel it in sometimes. Of course the problem with that is, as you said, people who know you will immediately suspect something is wrong if the sun doesn't shine out of your ears. To that, I have no answer other than that idea, in-and-of-itself presents it's own set of potential issues, like these people somehow relating their own happiness to you and you feeling the burden for that as well as your own PMA. Like somehow if you are not this bubbly, happy self, they will be let down so even when you don't feel that way, you still ACT like it, thus continuing the cycle.
Wheh...that was a lot of deepish BS, even for me.
I hope there is something of substance in there for you PL.
How about letting a LITTLE tiny ray of sunshine escape for me today, lol.
