Positively 3rd thread - how do you deal with this?

[PositivelyListening]

Hi Always & soonergal and all,

Thanks for your words of support. I think I will need to hear this over, and over, and over again. I just need to let H be. OH MY GOD. Action-oriented gal over here, going stir-crazy nuts. I am going to have to get back to some of my basics. Cleaning drawers out, making lists, you know. Because any focus on H is not helping at all right now. I keep thinking there is something I should DO, that would make the difference. So keep reminding me. It's his MLC, it's not over, and until it's over, there's not a whole lot of impact I can have over there. So work on me. If H comes around, be kind, be understanding. And always, be patient. hahaha

This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

Yesterday, H was here. I did not leave him a special note. Just made the house neat, made sure all his bills were in one place, made sure the cats nails were trimmed so when he visited the cat wouldn't snag his clothes. I had left a post-it about the food in the fridge, to help himself. However, H must have jetted in and jetted out. There was almost no sign he had been here, other than his mail being gone. H moved my post-it note aside, also leaving the membership card for discounts at Office Max which I asked him to return if he wouldn't use it. No note, no indication that he spent any time here, definitely didn't eat. I am imagining now, that he must be creating invoices on the laptop I gave him for his little room, because he hasn't done anything on the computer here in at least 6 weeks.

I am begining to think it would be good for me to at least get some legal counsel. I heard about a lawyer in town who is "pro-marriage" and has a mediation approach. He is out of town until the end of the month. But it could be that H is opening new accounts and perhaps he is preparing to "run" all the way, now that he has his new passport and can't stand "the pressure" of our life and his work. I will try not to panic. But in between the sadness I am feeling today, I am afraid I am being a chump. I do not understand how he could be so warm and friendly and loving as he was last week (and invite me on a family vacation), and then so closed down since. He did not seem insincere last week. But who knows what's going on in that head of his. I've heard the WAS sometimes wishes we LBS were dead, because then they wouldn't have to deal with the two worlds issue anymore (and since they don't want to give up OW.... if only we could just drop dead for them) Oh, I guess I am feeling pretty down today.

I am heading out for some good GAL activities. Hope it will be all turned around later.