PL....read your post. A few thoughts, that mostly also echo GH's thoughts.

1) H is in MLC. You (ike myself as well) analyze and try to rationalize and make sense of something that is just plain insane.

2) Be cheerful b/c it's who you are. Don't be cheerful to help H come out of his slump. His slump is part of MLC (he's in pain inside, remember). He needs to come out of that on his own, and essentially you're robbing him of "growing" by doing it for him. Also, with my H, the more "normal and happy" I sound, the more his misery comes out. A reaction or sincere, I have no idea, but I am who I am for me.

3) Note explanation note. Too much. You did nothing that requires this. He will make of your actions as he wants, in MLC. Do your best, but don't break your back re-explaining. He knows, ultimately, from years of M, that you are a wonderful and loving person, that should suffice. Also, it is pursuit and to the MLC, all that work you do is "annoying"....we know that.

4) Don't go overboard to "take care of him" now. With separation comes you not being his W and caretaker anymore, and him having to grow up and take care of that on his own. That means eating well, taking care of stress, etc. If he says he doesn't know if he will feel better...say "sorry you feel that way...take good care of yourself." It is NOT your job to care for him through MLC and make it easier. It's hard for me too, when H calls with his DEPRESSED beyond belief calls, but it's his life to sort through, and not my concern. It doesn't mean I don't care, but not my responsibility. Fine difference.

5) In MLC, things we do or don't do, make very LITTLE difference, unlike other WAS sitations. It's a process, crisis, that takes it's own course. That's not to say that we don't need to make changes, or that nothing matters....it does. Our consistent love, and understanding, and there are things we can do to definately push them away or cut ties....but, what I am saying is that we get hung up that our actions will make things better, and look for the outcomes. Don't do that. He will come out on his own. Trust that your patience, grace and good actions are being remembered. But, don't look for the harvest just yet.