Positively 3rd thread - how do you deal with this?

[PositivelyListening]

Hi soonergal,

Thanks so much for the e-mail address. I will check in with you privately a little later on in the week! Also, thanks for the suggestion to move to MLC board. I have decided that I will be doing that soon too, as I see quite a few folks over there having REALLY similar experiences (including you!), and I think it would help me to get feedback and support from the "MLC experts" .

I have also made a commitment to my two friends that I am having weekly calls with now, that we will keep this up from now on, regardless of what happens in my M. You said:

I see that I'm connecting more with long time friends via the phone. I know that alot of it was lonliness and they have been a huge support team for me. I don't plan on stopping this new practice when H returns as it is a great way to 'catch up' as you call it.

Even more than keeping each other informed and caught up, these friends are calling me forth, and I am calling them forth, so that we continue to be our best selves in the world. There is a spiritual dimension, a deep connection involved, where we each feel so "gotten". I am incredibly blessed. This kind of love and understanding is also a reminder of who I am for H. H does not have others he is more closely connected to than me. This is also why the touch-stone aspect of our R needs to be understood and accepted right now. I am the touch-stone, like when a child runs off and then has to check back to make sure that you are there. As H begins to realize once again who I am for him, that regardless of what he has "done", I love, respect, and honor him - this is the magical blessing I believe he is seeking to find. And even with what he has "done", he is this for me too. I know who he is in his heart, regardless of the "hard to deal with" behavior.

Thanks for the part about finding peace:

My peace came about a month ago when God spoke to me. I have never been a constant attender at church but have always believed in God. This sitch has brought me much closer to Him and for that I am grateful. I am no longer 'obsessed' about what H might or might not be doing. I still think about him and want him back but it doesn't consume me all day long like it used to.

I am attending church once again, much more regularly. I stopped about 8 years ago (around the time I met H) and it is good to be back in that community. I have found that I find peace periodically, and then sometimes I get re-activated/triggered, and then I must seek peace again. Sometimes I have to dig, and look deep into myself and into my connection to God. But the attention to my spirit, and to spiritual practice, at a much higher level these past months, has fed my soul. This is one area that H will need to get to know about me now. H & I spent a lot of time in the "doing" of every day life before. Our new M would be different, because I am different now. And H is too. And to find peace and deep abiding love as a couple, that is what I am striving for. I know this is possible. And I am clear that I can provide love for the both of us right now if that's what's needed. If I need to be the one to generate the love for both of us right now because H isn't present to it, then I'm the one who can be counted on for that. And I don't have to see him, or even be around him to do it. It is in the air, in the water, in the fabric of life. And it transfers to him even now when he is MIA. He is being watched over, blessed, protected. And he is learning what ever he needs to, to grow and thrive at another level. And me too. I am being divinely led.