Jounaling... I've been reading a book by Thich Nhat Hanh, 'Anger - Buddhist wisdom for Cooling the Flames'. Excellent read by the way. In it, besides advising on how to handle anger in yourself and anger directed at you, he also gives advice on R matters. So I thought I'd try out some of what he was recommending in regards to opening up compassionate communications.
me. 'W do you still hold alot of anger and resentment towards me'. W 'Yes a bit'. me. 'I am doing my best to make up for the way I treated you'. W 'you havent changed, you may have stopped drinking but you haven't changed' me. 'what can I do, please tell me so I know'. W 'What was the "don't tell me what to do" from the other day'. me. 'I only asked you not to tell me what to do. I didn't shout or say anything angrily'. W 'I cannot trust you, I told you to stop drinking years ago and you took no notice, I said if you didn't stop I would find someone else, well I did'. me 'you never said you'd find someone else'. W 'yes I did, you were drunk when I said it and you replied "so what"'. me 'I'm truly sorry for what has happened'. W 'forget it TNP it's over, we're never getting back together'.
more was said along the lines of her feeling apprehensive and guarded around me thinking I am judging her all the time. I advised her that felt the same way around her.
W 'I've always been totally honest with you'. me 'what about OM1, I asked you numerous times if there was anything going on and you denied it'. W 'nothing was going on till after the bomb'. me 'W I've read the MSN logs it is there in black and white'.
W silence
me 'W you know I still L you and wish there was some way we could work this out'.
W got a bit teary at this stage and I must admit so did I.
As I had to leave directly, I thought I'd try for a hug.
me nonchalantly 'W give us a hug will ya' W 'ok'
So I got my first hug of my W in over three months. Wasn't just me holding on, W held on also. Am not getting my hopes up too much over this but the hug shure felt good after all this time.
I guess there is a fine line between persuing behaviour and letting my W know how I feel about her.
Will look at this as a baby step. Now I gotta finish the book. Am about half way through it and thoroughly recommend it to anyone trying to deal with anger whether the anger is their own or directed at them.
Good luck to all who find themselves in a similar situation.
