journaling, Well no change in my situation. It still sucks. W has seen bank about splitting our assets, mainly just the equity on the house. I said I'd just go for a third. She can have a 1/3 and 1/3 for kids. Basically I'll just get $23k, not really good for 18 years of marriage. Was 18th anniversary last Sunday Asked W if she wanted to do lunch or anything. She said she was probably going out with new boyfriend, so I didn't push to do anything. As I was leaving family home on the Friday I just said 'thanks for the time we had together and thanks for being such a great mother to the kids' . W seems to have completely forgotten about anni. Oh well. Talked W other day about things. She wanted to take kids with her and new BF to the beach for the day. I advised her that I didn't think it was right. The children have enough drams in their lives now without having to deal with this new man. W said if she were going with her female friends I would not have a problem with that would I. I just said that is what I think and I'm just letting you know how I feel about it. Didn't get emotional or angry or raise voice or any thing like that. She said she liked this fellow and they were just friends spending time together. She has told him she just wants to be friends and she has issues to deal with in her own life before she gets into any R with anyone. I reiterated that she was a married woman and it was not a good example to show the children going out with another man. W said we are separated and the M is over. I asked if she was going to file for D in April when the 12 sep. is up. She said She has no intention to file, as it's just a piece of paper. So I guess she looks at the marriage certificate as just a piece of paper too. I told her I am not going to file either.
All the so-called advice I seem to be getting from various people is to get over her and find a new lady and move on. I really don’t want to find a new lady. I thought I'd found and married the girl I was to grow old with. Where has this person gone, the woman I am seeing now looks like my W of 18 years but certainly doesn't act like her.
Well started a new job last week. That’s the 5th job since the bomb dropped. Nothing like a bit of variety, one day I’ll find something I like.
Had a run in with the landlord the other day. I am renting a room at his house and usually he is only there one or two night a week. As his lady friend is away for two weeks he is going to be at his place for those two weeks. He got back last night and asked me how it’s going with W. As I started explaining the deal with W & BF & kids going to beach he started cutting me off and telling me what I should have said. Not letting me answer his question. When I said ‘you just asked me a question and before I could answer started cutting in and telling me what to do, give me a chance to tell you before butting in’ He lost it and said maybe you should find somewhere else. It didn’t get right out of hand but I’m thinking maybe I should look at finding somewhere else. He is really set in his ways and is forever giving me unwanted advice (ie move on find another woman, don’t give her 2/3, go for ½ etc) and trying to tell me how to live my life( worse than my soon to be exW was, lol). Am not looking forward to interacting with him for the next two weeks, will just have to find things to do to get out of the house as much as I can.
Well 8 months without a drink, can’t believe it. I guess miracles do happen.
W’s MLC seems to be in full bloom. My life has changed beyond recognition these last 10 months. Still bet a bit morose every now and then. Am trying to stay positive around W. No neediness or clinginess. No need you want you. No showing anger or resentment towards her or new BF. This is hard stuff. The children give me a lot of comfort and it is hard not to talk to them about what’s going on. I don’t want to dump W & my dramas onto them or start trying to play them against W.
Eldest D decided not to go to beach with W & BF so am spending the day with her.
