Went out with W the other day for coffe at the beach and we talked a bit, nothing too heavy, no animosity shown. W talked abit about how the M progressed through the last 4-5 years and how my drinking had affected her & family.
W said it was a pity it took her to finally decide she didn't love me and to give up on M before I could stop the drinking. I replied that if any thing positive has come out of this it was me quitting, nearly eight months now.
W has not gone any further with splitting assets, hasn't seen a lawyer or anything yet. Original OM has backed off from W a bit with a big attack of the guilts. His W knows nothing about W and him. Asked W if she was planning on starting D proceedings in April as that would be the 12 month seperation mark and she replied that she will not be filling unless she or I meet some one we wanted to marry. I advised that I would not be persuing one either. She stated that D papers are just a bit of paper (so is a M certificate I guess). So that left me thinking WTF.
W asked me to look after kids Saterday as she wants to go to Gold Coast with friends, turns out it is with a new OM. She says he is just a friend and is not interested in him romantically. I said yes I will be looking forward to spending the time with the kids. Didn't let on that her seeing new bloke is breaking my heart. Kept up with the positive outward appearances. Just trying to appear positive and rebuild friendship with W, no pressure or needieness or clinging or guilt trips.
Yesterday W was telling me how bad her financial situation is. she has bills totalling over $1500 due next week and no $'s to pay them with and is still going away on weekend.
I picked kids up from school in the family car and she had left her bag in the car, couldn't help my self and had a look inside. My W who never allowed me to use condoms now carries one in her purse, for emergencies guess. Seeng it caused me a bit of grief but I am holding it in and will not be confronting her about it. None of my business I guess.
So things are not really looking good at the moment. I know I cannot make her do anything and feel quite powerless with this whole situation. All I can do is continue to be supportive, maintain/build upon the friendship and keep working on myself.
I am not quitting at this stage. We have our 18th wedding anniversary comming up next weekend and I really don't know what to do about it, send her a card, ignore it or play it by ear. Given that she had a dinner date on valintines day, a breakfast date on fathers day she will probably be out with an OM on the day of the anniversary too.
I had the kids here overnight last Saterday so I had them for the morning of fathers day, her family had a bbq on the Sunday with all her extnded family in attendance I dropped kids off and hung around for about 1/2 hour then took off. Didn't want to be there as seeing all the other happy dads in there happy family situations would not have helped me.
This DBing is getting to be a big drain on my mental well being but my W is worth it, my children deserve it and so do I. Looks like I'm in for the long haul.
