Really think I've had enough. 9 months post bomb. W advised me to move out in mid Nov 2006. 'Had enough of my drinking and mood swings' didn't move out. Early Jan I started going to AA and haven't had a drink since mid Jan. Found out about OM early Feb. Confronted W about it. W admitted EP/PA. W advised she would do whatever she wanted. Late April I cracked when W wanted to go see OM and said things to W in front of kids that shouldn't have been said in front of them. W had to tell all (PA with OM) to kids and her parents. Next day W said if I didn't move out she would and would take kids with her. I moved out so kids would not have to move from family home. Have been separated 4 months now. I was a regular 'visitor' to my house, mainly to see kids, up to 2 weeks ago when I wrote W a 'letting go' 9 (ala 'Love Must be Tough') letter. Have since been going dark only seeing kids once or twice a week. Last weekend I helped out at a psycic fair run by local spiritual church, W had a stall there and I was cooking sausages both days. I didn't bother her too much but once she was outside having a smoke by herself so I went over to say hello & she pretty well ignored me and started texting someone on her phone as a way of ignoring me I guess. later on I said hello at her stall and she wanted me to look after her stall while she went and had a smoke I declined. She seems to be giving me the brush off all the time and I have had enough of it.
When will I be able to go through a day without thinking of her? When wll I be able to stop dreaming of her? When will she wake up and ask me to come back home?
I do not want things to turn nasty but whenever I mention that I want 50% custody eventually she tells me it will never happen 'If you want a fight I'll give you one' was her exact words.
W has told me many times that she has no feelings for me anymore and has trouble even looking at me as a friend. I know that in the past my drinking caused her alot to heartache and affected my relationship with the kids but I would have thought that 7 months without a drink would have shown her that I was serious about changing.
So friends do you thing I have blown my marriage due to my past actions or do you think I have a chance? I have no intention of ever drinking again but I guess W has heard that one many times before and is finding it hard to believe that I could change. I have never been as commited to anything in my life as this. I am totaly commited to changing and turning my life around. But given the response I'm getting from my W I'm starting to feel it is too little too late.
Maybe in the future some other lady will get to share my new life with me. I'd much prefer my W and children to share it with me.
