I should change the subject line to "W says I will never be able to trust you again". Why? You may ask, read on...
Major backslide here. W finally changed her hotmail passwords and like the fool I am I tried to guess her new password resulting in her getting locked out and having to reset the passwords again. I havent talked to or seen her since the lockout but I guess she has found out by now. Over the weekend I installed and tested out keylogging software on her laptop (works fine by the way) but after the lockout I have had second thoughts about the whole prying thing and have removed the keylogging stuff. I really do not want to know.
I have finally decided to just let her go. My constant thoughts about W and our sit. is really taking it's toll on my PMA. So I have to let her go. Before I left on Sunday night I penned her a letter that I left in her bed for her to find and read. It went something like this...
Wife, I have to put these words onto paper for you to read. I wish to apologise for all the heartache my actions in the past and recently have caused you.
I know you now have no feelings for me. But I am findng it extreemly hard to loose the feelings that I have for you. I have finally come to accept the fact the we will never live together as man and wife again.
It is only the fact that I am the father of four wonderfull children that allows me to keep functioning at all. I do not want to cause the children any more suffering in any way, shape or form. We will have to come to some sort of agreement whereby they can come and stay at my place on weekends sometimes.
Once again I apologise for any pain or grief that I may have caused you.
I will always hold you close to my heart, I will always be there for you and I will always cherish the memories of our time together. Paul.
...Over the weekend I advised W to start looking at splitting up our assets, mainly the mortgage, she can buy me out. It has been said elsewhere on this site that you must totally let go before there is any chance of getting your partner back. That is what I am attempting to do.
What's going to happen in the future? I don't know. I do know that I am going to miss her. I hope eventually she will start to miss me.
Good luck to everyone in their divorcebusting endevours. Now I've gotta go and really start to get a life.
