Quote: I bet those big cap letters deterred everyone else from reading anymore of your post, it'll be just me and you now!
WCW, thanks for being you... that at least made me smile :-)
Quote: So what to do for you? what was the evening like in between when you got interupted and when you went to bed? what if you had tried to keep the mood flowing? you know, pre-bed foreplay.
I was gone with the boys from about 5 minutes after we got interupted until almost time for bed. When I got home he was interested in the ball game. We talked a little, but I know better than to try to come between a man and his sports.
Quote: As for the animal in bed grabbing you for relief, get up and leave the bed when it starts. Go get a drink, and make sure he wakes up so he is fully aware of what he is doing. If he's still awake when you get back, maybe it would be different.
That is an excellent idea. I will remember that for next time!
Quote: I'm glad for your counseling happening today
Oh, me too… that knowledge is about all that is keeping me going today!
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Quote: Yuck, NNP. I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. I've got absolutely now words of wisdom here. I just hope your counselor/therapist does have something useful to say about it all. Thanks for sending your support my way, and I'm mine your way. You know you're worth a lot, even if it doesn't always feel like it. Just knowing someone is out there on these boards who lives the sea going military life with their H is worth a lot to me!
Thanks Opti... we Sailor's wifes have to stick together.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Quote: Oh NNP, I'm sorry. It does sound like you are very disconnected and your sex with H has no intimacy right now. I do think the C will help. You will need to take care of you in your R, and also train H as to what you need him to do to take care of you. You will need to value yourself enough and learn some new behaviors to do this. It made me sad for you reading your post. What happened is abusive whether H intended it or not - you have allowed him to be this way with you and you will have to retrain yourself and retrain H so that your needs are a priority and are met in the M. I am so glad your C has been extended. I think new behaviors are entirely possible and you can have a life you love! It will just take some time and effort to make some changes and shift familiar patterns. I am glad you wrote about this. You have a right to want more for your life. Keep writing. We are all rooting for you. Let us know how the C session goes today!
No intamacy... you are right. ZERO, ZILCH, NADA!
Thank you again PL, your words brought tears to my eyes.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Quote: I am quickly running out of steam, as none of these things seem to make any difference. No matter what I do he seems to prefer the porn. I guess someday, I may have to face the fact that this is what (at least) one of our problems is really about.
Sex therapy with a professinal sex therapist counselor?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I'm no sex therapist, but that is what porn does from what I have read. It turns women into object. Just an end to a means. If his porn addiction is getting worse or has been on going this make explain why it is just sex to him.
Even if that is the case and you know it....where does that leave you? Where does that leave him?
That's a tough one. I've read that most affairs burn out after six months. That addiction has a short fuse. Other addictions can go on for years and years.
My .02 cents, I would not initiate sex for a while if it is making you feel that bad. Work on yourself until you can get to a point to confront your H about the porn. In the meantime do everything you can outside of the bedroom to strengthen your marriage.
