Feeling my way around in the darkness

[NNP1965]

Oh NNP, I'm sorry. It does sound like you are very disconnected and your sex with H has no intimacy right now. I do think the C will help. You will need to take care of you in your R, and also train H as to what you need him to do to take care of you. You will need to value yourself enough and learn some new behaviors to do this. It made me sad for you reading your post. What happened is abusive whether H intended it or not - you have allowed him to be this way with you and you will have to retrain yourself and retrain H so that your needs are a priority and are met in the M. I am so glad your C has been extended. I think new behaviors are entirely possible and you can have a life you love! It will just take some time and effort to make some changes and shift familiar patterns. I am glad you wrote about this. You have a right to want more for your life. Keep writing. We are all rooting for you. Let us know how the C session goes today!

No intamacy... you are right. ZERO, ZILCH, NADA!

Thank you again PL, your words brought tears to my eyes.