Just a thought. Both of our C have told us we have to deal with the past before we can deal with the present. I'm going to ask my C during my next session if there is anything I can do now. You may want to do the same.
I have the luxory of waiting. I have a W who is happy just to have me back and the stability. YOU DO NOT have this luxory.
Well darn, I have been to three book stores and not one had that book. So will order it from Amazon.
JM, thanks for the suggestion I will ask her that when I see her on Thursday. I am a little worried about waiting in my sitch as I am sure you can agree.
I did pick up a book called The Adult Children of Alcolholics Syndrome. It is a small book and I got through half it while eating lunch. Wow, very eye opening. I feel silly that I have lived this long and did not know anything about all of this.
WCW, have you read anything like this?
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
OMG I feel like I just had an epiphany! For anyone who has not been following Jokerman's thread you will probably need to read at least the last few pages in order to understand what I am going to say here.
It just occured to me that each and every time my H has dropped the bomb and then recanted, that he never ever once did anything to make things better between us. I was always the one to be trying to figure out what I could do to make him happy. But then I never got any feed back on anything I did and like was mentioned earlier, I was so happy to have him here that I would get to the point I was afraid to do anything for fear of rocking the boat.
I have to think on this some more. Right now I am sick to my stomach, and wondering why I have never realized this before.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
****It just occured to me that each and every time my H has dropped the bomb and then recanted, that he never ever once did anything to make things better between us. I was always the one to be trying to figure out what I could do to make him happy. But then I never got any feed back on anything I did and like was mentioned earlier, I was so happy to have him here that I would get to the point I was afraid to do anything for fear of rocking the boat.
At least I'm good for more than an SOB...Just got to appreciate the small things. (that was not a shot at you NNP, just a sick way of taking a shot at myself that's all) I find self deprecating humor the best of all. If nobody else laughs, at least I get it. (If any of you e-mailed and got my full background you would understand.) If not...the joke's for me
NNP, I'll look for that book, it could be good insight for me. Thanks! I've also found many R books at half price bookstores and even Goodwill. In fact, I have the book Passionate Marriage, got it half price, still have yet to read it.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Well H and boys should be home within the hour. They have called a few times during the day. I'll be glad to see them drive in. I always enjoy this time alone, but I miss them.
H has made a couple of suggestive comments on the phone the last couple of days. I have couple of 180's planned for tonight. Wish me luck we'll see how it goes.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
My guys got home about 7:30 last night. H was shall we say very friendly . I may as well come out and say it we had a quicky so the boys would not notice we were missing. That is not really what I was hoping for but H was still very affectionate afterward.
Later when we went to bed I initiated again and he responded. Which is VERY unusual for us. Afterward we were watching a movie, I was laying on his shoulder with his arm around me and every time I would try to move away he would hold me there. Also not the norm.
One other high point of the evening was when he declared he was "sooooo glad to be home!".
I know for a fact that he never checked his email while he was gone. That is comforting.
He has already called me once this morning and sent me a funny email. Gosh I love this man, see my frustration?
I swear mine must be the strangest sitch on this entire board!
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
(If any of you e-mailed and got my full background you would understand.) If not...the joke's for me 
. I may as well come out and say it we had a quicky so the boys would not notice we were missing. That is not really what I was hoping for but H was still very affectionate afterward.