Hello friends, first I want to clarify what I meant by "I saw the OM". I happened to see him because he works at the grocery store that I go to. I only saw him in passing. I didn't mean to refer that I made a date and spent time with him. While it is very tempting, I can assure you I will not lead him on or do anything to jeopardize my marriage. So now that that is all cleared up let me tell you what happened last night.......
My H and I had a two hour conversation about what had happened. I can't believe how calm I was. I wasn't angry and I wasn't hurt about the club thing. I was pure and simple...very calm. For the first time since we've been married, I actually heard what he was saying and it all made sense to me. It must have been your prayer JM that saved the night because something came over me that made me feel at peace and opened up my eyes to understand where my H was coming from. There was a point where he was ready to walk out (cause he was still angry), but I stayed calm. He kept saying he was confused because I was so calm. This in turn made him calm down too and we were able to conquer this argument and end it in a positive note. In the end, we hugged and kissed and said I love you.
My H was angry at me the whole day after his conversation with his friend yet he was busy making me a jewelry box. This, my friends, says it all to me. He DOES love me. I mean he really truly LOVES me. We've been through hell and back, yet he chooses to make beautiful things for me. A man wouldn't be wasting his time making things for his wife if he didn't really care about her, right? I have been so hurt and blind that I couldn't see that. Once I decided to stay calm and do a 180 as the DB suggests, I was able to see all of this. I told my H that it was becoming clear now that he's been loving me all along and trying to make it up to me, yet I couldn't see that. I was choosing to dwell in my own self pity and blame him for my misery.
Does this make sense? I hope so because I feel so much better. I can smile at my H now....and he smiles back.
Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go to complete recovery....but I think I just matured a little to be able to take the next baby step.
