Well...you are acting like his mother....and yes he is going to resent it....I know because I did the same thing....you know sometimes they just have to fall down to realize what THEY need to do...
I understand your concern for your H's health...I really really do....you see my H was told almost 2 yrs. ago that he had diabetes...he didn't take it serious...kept telling me he was fine....that when HE was ready he would take care of it...
Well he finally went to the Dr. two weeks ago today...Dr. told him that if he is diabetic he is at risk of heart attack and stroke...H came out of the office and said the Dr. said my heart sounds fine....I am not going to have a heart attack....
Ok...at least he was getting his blood tested and agreed to a follow up visit in 2 weeks....well that 2 weeks was today but he didn't make his appointment....why?...he was in the hospital!!!...On Monday he agreed to drive me around and I left him doing a crossword puzzle in the car while I went in the bank....
I came out and he jumped out of the car and said he needed to go to the hospital....he began to tell me that he had a spell where he couldn't talk and couldn't write and his face felt weird...
I took him to the ER...we spend 7 hours there and they did all kinds of tests...they diagnosed it as a TIA....mini stroke!!!....I didn't say a word....he just had the crap scared out of him...but they gave him asperin...told him his blood pressure was really high and his blood sugar was too...he said he was going to the doctor on Wednesday...so we go get dinner...come out from dinner and I looked at him and he didn't look right....he started to talk and didn't sound right....I asked if it was happening again and he said he thought it was...back on the phone and heading to the car..
I get him in the car and start down the road...and again I hear him mumbling and not looking right....he confirmed it was another episode...both lasted a very short time...but scared me....I called the insurance to ask if I had to take him to the same hospital or if I should call an ambulance...I was 30 min from the contracting hospital and for 10 of those minutes my phone would be out of range of a tower....what to do???....they said to drive him...so I booked it...
Got him to the hospital and they admitted him...we just got home tonight....he is on medication for diabetes, blood clots, and is to follow up with his doctor on that and his blood pressure....
Guess what?...he is taking this serious...yes it was hard for me to wait for him to get with the program....it took a crisis to scare the hell out of him...
When they were first admitting him he asked me not to leave him...and yesterday he said he was glad I was staying there with him....sleeping in a chair by his bed...I told him I loved him and wouldn't be anywhere else...no matter what!
So....my point is....you may need to back off...your husband KNOWS how you feel...you can't MAKE him take his medicine correctly and he is going to show YOU THAT YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM...so the best thing you can do is drop it...if he gets hurt because of it that is HIS problem...
And incase you didn't know it....everyone is human and truth be known there are probably many things that the OM would do to equally irritate you in time....it would be like jumping from the frying pan to the fire...your better off working on your reaction to H's actions....stop being his mother...but be there when he really needs you...and with out words he will get the point!!!
Sorry to hear about your H imLin, I hope he gets better soon.
I guess I do have to just let my H do his thing and not worry about it! I didn't realize I was acting like his mother.
Another thing that he said is that he thinks I am too controlling. You see, he wants to be a part of a club and I don't approve of it. The club has events that he has to attend and it's nearly every weekend. Besides, he used the club to hide his PA. And some of the guys in the club even covered for him. Since the blow up, they have come to surface and have apologized to me. I feel this club is a bad influence and for a married man to be away every weekend isn't good. Is it? How should this be handled? Should he have free reign to do whatever he wants? This is so darn confusing! Of course I don't want to act like his mom! And I resent that comment. But once I say I'm okay with him joining this club again, the guys will start calling constantly and trying to get him out to go to this and that. He likes being with the guys and likes going to events......so, he will want to go to everything they invite him to. Besides, some of it will be mandatory because it's a club thing!
HMMM, that's a tough one Jade. Has he given you any indication that he wants to work on marrige? I mean he is doing all these nice things for you. Has he told you he is done with affair...did I miss??
If so, you may want to gentley expain to him about your reservations about the club. If his head is still stuck in the cloud of the affair, it will probably just piss him off and he's gonna do what he's gonna do.
Making an arguement out of it will not help.
Your H used something as an excuse to run into the affair. What do you think that thing was?
Hi Joker, thanks for your quick response. My H has been extremely wonderful. Just this past weekend, he took me to a B&B. He is doing everything in his power to show me how sorry he is. He constantly tells me that he loves me. He definately is done with the A. He says it was a stupid mistake and that it won't happen again. He keeps telling me that he wants to move on with our marriage and put this trash behind us. So, yes, he is doing a lot to try to reassure me.
I expressed how I feel about the club after he told me that I am controlling. He said that he isn't talking to anyone at the club or going to any events because he is doing it for me. But he really wants to be a part of it.
I just thought I would put in my two cents, because it's what my H wishes I would have done. You are rationalizing your feelings toward the OM, just as he did with the OW. If you take the reason out of the picture, you are putting yourself in the same dangerous spot as he did, the only difference being that he went through with it. What my H said to me, was that as his W, when I found that I was developing feelings for OM I should have come to him immediately and told him about it. Have you tried doing that? Then you will have a wake up call in time, much earlier than I did, and did I ever need it. It was too late for me though, I had already made a big mistake. It is the same, you are looking outside your marriage to fix your marriage. I'm glad that your H pulled up his socks and took you to a B&B, because that is a step in the direction you need. Please don't pursue the OM. Instead sit down with you H tonight and tell him that you have had these thoughts about someone else. It's all about ego, I know I was feeling pretty crappy in my M, and wait a minute, there was this guy that also smiled lots at me, could do no wrong and made me feel important. It's all superficial though. Just my thoughts, I don't want to see you make the same horrible mistake your H made and I made.
Thanks Piper, I know it's the wrong thing to do and that is why I haven't initiated anything. I think the reason the OM was starting to look attractive to me is because I am angry for what my H did to us. It's almost a retaliation. But I know it isn't the right thing to do. Now I just have to deal with this club thing. My H is asking if he could go to an event this weekend. I don't want him to go, but I can't stop him. You told me earlier to stop being like his mom, so maybe this is a good start. Maybe I should say "have a good time"!!
piper, Jade was struggling, but she did the right thing. I am proud of her.
Jade, At some point you are going to have to trust your hubby. Now may or may not be that time. Only you know. It really is a tough situation. If you say no...then he will think you are being his mom etc. If you say yes...you are being vunerable.
I say you take a calculated risk. Tell him you don't want him to do the club thing because you want to spend time with him, but tell him you trust him too. Let the decision be his and then live with it. If he decides not to SUPER, if not, when he gets back give him EVERY reason to come running back to you after his "Club" weekends.
