Thanks Grasshopper, I never looked at it in that sense. Thanks to Imlin too and Ford! You guys are great.
The weekend was sort of quiet. My H spent the weekend making me jewelry. He really went out of his way to make me happy. He keeps telling me he loves me. But the sad thing is that I don't feel it. I feel he is just saying that to appease me, to tell me what I want to hear. And to keep peace.
Just this morning he gave me a hug and told me he loved me and for me to have a nice day. Then he asked me why I was so distant. I feel bad but it is really hard for me to get the images of what he did out of my head. I also dislike him for all the lies he told. I tell myself, how can he love me so much right this minute? Where was his love 11 months ago? How can he say he loves me unconditionally when he was just romping around with someone else?
Do you guys think I'm being stubborn and wanting to hold on to these miserable thoughts and feelings? I don't feel I am but you guys can see things in a different angle than I.
I hear you guys say to let it go and move on and that I have the power to make my marriage what I want it to be. But, it's not so easy for me to let go. Don't get me wrong, I do not WANT to feel like this all the time. I DO want to feel loved and appreciated and I DO want to love my H and show him how much I truly appreciate him. But I can't do it right now.
