***I used to be a very strong willed person. This knocked me down to the ground and tore me to pieces. I nearly lost my job because I couldn't focus. I didn't pay the bills for 3 months. My heart felt so heavy and it ached. I couldn't believe that this happened.***
Okay...I could have written this...I only gave a synopsis about my life when H left me...as I have stated so many times to say I was devistated was an understatement...
I would go to training for driving a bus....crying all the way there...put on a happy face (tell everyone I had allergies)....then cry all the way home...I cried myself to sleep....I woke up and cried....I went to church with my kids and the minute we started to sing a song I would have to go to the bathroom....and cry...sometimes crying myself to sleep....does that sound devistated??? The only reason I tried to live was for my kids...because I didn't want them to lose me too....that was the ONLY reason...
The anger and injustice you feel is valid...but for how long are you going to let it poison you???...you don't let it go for "them" you let it go for you...
As long as you keep even "thinking" about the OM...and those exciting feelings you have with him...of course you are going to feel dread at your H after that...after all "he is keeping you from your happiness"...<you are entering the fog>
I will keep holding out for you...not calling the OM is a good thing...but as long as you keep desiring him it is really in vain...
(James 1:14-15) 14 But each one is tried by being drawn out and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then the desire, when it has become fertile, gives birth to sin....
This is a good reason to quit desiring anyone esle until you have either repaired your marriage or have legally ended it....
Nothing is over unless you want it to be...the fight is your own...your H is back...now it is upto you...
