Yes, Yes and Yes to your comments. My brain understands all that you said. But my heart is still broken. You are right that I haven't forgiven him. I don't know how.
In a way, I am attracted to this guy because he hasn't done anything to hurt me. In my eyes, my H has done damage, he is flawed, he is a dishonest person. The new guy comes with a clean slate, no damage, no flaws, no hurt. I know that I am being silly but that is how I feel. Everyone is right about a temporary fix and that it is not good.
But can I truly change the image that I have of my H????? It's really affecting my love for him. I am reaching out for some help here. I am not closing the door to my M and accepting to have an A with the OM.
Yes, I take some blame for my H PA. But it was HIS choice to do what he did. He didn't have the guts to talk openly and honestly with me to let me know that he was attracted to someone else and ask for my help to reach him back into our marriage. He did this willingly and knowingly and even told the OW that he loved her!
Okay, after hearing everyone's feed back about the OM, I have decided that it would definately be too complicated and it wouldn't be fair to bring an inoccent person into my mess. So, I will not do anything about it. I will tell him that I am married and that is that.
I don't like my H right now but I know that I don't want a divorce either. ((((sigh)))) there just doesn't seem to be an easy way for this type of situation. I hate that I am in it but I'm glad that I have everyone here to talk to.
