Ok...I am jumping in here....my husband came home...and he wants to act as if it never happened...but he once told me that it was because he truly wants to forget about the whole thing... Forgiveness is involved for you....you have not forgiven your husband and now you are looking at him through jaded glasses and the other man through rose colored glasses...both give a distorted view of reality... There is nothing in this world that justifies an affair...not even if they did it first....that is like if they commit suicide it is justification for to also....or if they decided to rob a bank....it is okay for you to do also.... I was on my own for over a year and half....while my husband was gone I didn't know if he was out partying every night while I was working to keep a roof over my families head....but I didn't justify my actions by his...I knew what was right and wrong and I acted accordingly.... Now that we are getting back together I have confidence in myself...I have the dignity I deserve...I have nothing to confess... Was it hard...YES...was I lonely...I cried almost nightly for over a year....did I yearn for affection and love....you bet I did....but was I willing to throw everything to the wind for a temporary fix...NO NO NO.... I was tempted....I had my chances....but I still didn't do it.... As far as I knew my H was never coming home....but that didn't matter...I was not single...I was not free to commit to another person...and I wouldn't have wanted to hurt anyone because of my own confusion... Now that H is back....he is making subtle changes...I see them....I acknowledge them....I have also made changes...and you do too...you see no one is perfect...there is room for improvement....something led to your H's unhappiness....I am not saying it was justified but think for a moment that it is possible that you did things, acted in ways, said things, that he didn't like....he siad nothing...the things you did weren't wrong...but they weren't right for him....it is time to take a hard look at who your are and what potential you have....I made changes (in the beginning I fought that because I had been the "perfect wife") and I am happy with who I am today...I am better then I was....I am happier...and this is spreading to H.....there is nothing wrong with that....and it doesn't mean that I have lost who I am....I think I have found me....I didn't change for him...I did it for me...to be a better person and one that would make a good wife...whether it was for H or someone else down the road.... You see while you are looking at all his faults you are giving off negative energy....he is probably picking up on that to some extent... I don't look at my H settling for me after the OW...I look at it as he realized what a good thing he had and came home... So my advice....quite smiling back....tell him your married and that is how it is...don't go into your current situation...avoid him when you can....be business like when you can't.... And throw away the phone number....the giddy feelings wear off and if you do something you shouldn't they will be replaced with guilt feelings and as you can read on this board from those who crossed the line it isn't a good feeling....and it wasn't worth it in the end...
