The PA that my husband had is making me feel very distant from him. I feel he has pushed me and I'm starting to have feelings for someone else. I met someone that I am totally attracted to. He made it a point to let me know that he is single. The next time I saw him, he asked me if I was married, divorced or single. I didn't answer, I was embarrased for my flirtatious acts. He immediately apologized for asking me and then I blurted out "can I call you". So he gave me his phone number. This is DANGER, DANGER, DANGER waiting to happen. But, why do I feel giddy, happy, alive???? I love seeing his BIG smile when he sees me. I have been longing to see this in my husband, but never do. My husband seems to always be angry and unhappy. I am finding myself totally infatuated with this new guy. My H and I tried counseling and he dropped out (said it wasn't doing anything for him). So I left too. I've been reading self help books and he chooses not to. He doesn't work and hasn't worked for the past 6 years. I am angry that he won't get out there and find a job. I am tired of buying my own gifts for birthdays, christmas and valentines. (well, he buys them....I have to give him the $$). For once, I want to be wined and dined!
I think the reason he stopped seeing the OW was because he wanted to do the "right" thing. Perhaps he really loved her like his emails said.
I don't know, maybe I am trying to justify my feelings that just recently transpired.
From what I have read it seems that you are thinking about doing the same thing to your H as he has done to you. Do you think that you still want to save your M? If saving your marriage is what you want then you will need to consider the repercussions of your actions. Make sure that you are not seeking some OM because of the things your H has done to you. The feeling of giddiness does end. Everyone that has been in a R will tell you that they wish they could go back to when the "feelings" of love were so strong. You need to know where your commitment is. If you intend to pursue this OM you need to tell your H. If this is something that you cannot do, it means that you still do hold out hope for your M. Take the upper road, and only pursue if you know that your M is over for good. God Bless ---ss
This is revenge, disguised as romance, and some poor guy that you will use for your vengeful act will pay the price.
This is the Devil coaxing you, telling you 'what's good for the goose...etc.'
When Amy posted the thread concerning a hedge of thorns, I asked God to put one around MY heart too. I'm human, I have desires, I have demons. But I've chosen to STAND. 'Chosen' is the operative word here. You cannot 'choose' then be led around by your feelings. "For better or for worse' means exactly that, not 'until I don't feel like it.' It was YOUR CHOICE to marry this man. Do your choices mean anything?
That's a question only you can answer.
David
The fires of true love can never be quenched, because the source of its flame is God Himself! - Shulamith
You need time .. to find out what is going on w/ your M.. running will only drag it out. two wrongs do not make a right..remember how you felt about the OW .. can't bring more hurt and pain to your M ..now just my thoughts..
Thank you all for your replies. I see what you are saying. But why do I feel the way I do about this guy? I am soooooo attracted to him. I love the big smile on his face when he sees me. I totally miss that from my H.
I was considering asking my H for a separation but now after reading everyone's messages, it is beginning to become clear that pursuing this would not be a good thing.
Your H probably said the same thing when he met his OW
If you pursue...no more bashing your H or feeling sorry for yourself.
****But why do I feel the way I do about this guy?
Beacuse you are lonely and probably vengeful. If I found out my W would have even dated OM while I was in the midst of my affair, I would be planning my evening with the OW right now instead of going home to my W tonight.
If you do get a divorce there will be plenty of "Big smiling men" for you. Don't get caught up into this one. Big smiles are a dime a dozen. It's not fair to you, your H or the Big smiler. Can you really be as selfish as your husband and fill your own hearts desires at the expense of everyone else?
If you do pursue, tell the Big Smiley that you are married. If this does not faze him, he is not a good person. If he is he will aplogize and leave. If you don't tell him you are building a relationship on a foundation of lies.
Best thing to do is throw his number away and don't go down the road your H did.
You need to think about all this and look in the mirror.
How old are you? You sound like a 13 year old school girl.
It isn't about feelings, it's about rational thought. It's about seeing the END in the BEGINNING. It's about realizing the damage you're about to do because of your 'feelings.'
We all have feelings. Feelings are very often wrong and lead one down a destructive path.
I have feelings. I want to call my wife and beg her to come home. I want to kick OMs ass. Rationally, that will get me NOWHERE! SO, do I act on my 'feelings' and destroy everything, or do I rationally think things out and do the right thing.
You need to find your moral compass, and fast. Without one, you have nothing to gain on this board, and you are wasting everyone's time. This board is about saving marriages, which we all hold to be quite sacred. If your main interest is the next set of hot pants walking down the street, you're in the wrong place.
David
The fires of true love can never be quenched, because the source of its flame is God Himself! - Shulamith
It is not fair! Why is it okay for one person to stray, yet when the other person is considering it...then it becomes "not the right thing to do".
Yes, I am angry at my husband for even having the guts to do what he did. I am feeling more and more distant from him for doing that! I really think he pushed me to start feeling attracted to OM. I didn't ask for this to happen! I expected totally honesty and found that I am married to a dishonest person. I can't stand the thought of what he may have done with the OW. It makes me sick to my stomach and even dislike him more. Don't get me wrong, I will not do the same thing he did to me. I don't know why I feel so much anger all of a sudden. Maybe the shock and hurt is wearing off. If anything, I will ask for a separation so I can sort out my feelings.
I thank you and everyone for their total honesty. I do appreciate it.
It's healthy for you to feel angry. It's good to vent and feel slighted. You have every reason to feel that way. Let it out jade. It's when you pin it up that it becomes dangerous, but you can't dwell on it either.
If you get involved with this OM, I can already feel a cloud and justification over coming over you, you will go through the SAME guilt and resentment for the OM and yourself that you H WILL feel for his OW and himself.
You are going through enough pain. Don't create more for yourself.
****yet when the other person is considering it...then it becomes "not the right thing to do".
because it simply is not.
Find some clarity and don't let the cloud of an affair fall on you.
If you want this OM SOOOOO bad. The fine...file for divorce and do it the right way. But you will have to live with yourself after happy boy is gone and so is your marriage.
Not trying so tough on you...but I simply cannot affirm your thought process.
Hang in there Jade. YOU are better than this. If not you would not have made it this far.
