Bless you all, thank you so much for your support. I havent been around for a month, and then when I stop by, here you all are. I truly still don't know what I'd have done if I hadnt found this board. Well, to update a bit. I believe we are in a better, calmer place. After the last phone escapade, we seem to have perhaps finally moved on. For good I hope. I did recheck the records after that, and found that he had made a 35 minute call to her cell...then the numerous 1-minute calls, then the 7-8 minute one....H insisted that she had asked him to call her, she had information he needed (the dummy!) so when he called, it was all about kids and her not being happy and personal stuff. he said "what are we doing here"...and they got into a big fight...again...she started in with her stuff that only way she would ever want to see him again was on her doorstep with divorce papers in hand, but that they could "be friends" at work...h said he thought about it a couple of days, decided that no, it wasnt what he wanted...and that the last phone call was to tell her no contact, professional or otherwise. And yes, I do see the irony of calling her to tell her that!!!! sheesh. H commented that "it's like a dark veil drops over my life whenever she's involved in it in any way"...this must be what I was noticing when in my posts i mentioned how weird he'd been. H swears there is no contact, work or otherwise, and that he discovered that he can just contact the person in charge of the dept. for what he needs medically for clients. monster had always told him this person (her supervisor) didnt work on some days. h found out that was inaccurate from his own supervisor. huh, imagine that, the sweet thing lied. We attended an out of town office party and some family get togethers over christmas. It was nice. Had 20 people from "my side" at our home day after christmas, with about 5 days notice. h was cheerful and patient the whole time. H commented that when he has any contact/involvement with her, he is "disconnected from what's going on here"....uh, yeah, duh....but still for him to be seeing that and commenting on it is a big thing, I think. Also, H has said that the receptionist in the out of town office hates monster and won't let her through to him on the phone, that's why she was always giving him ultimatums about getting a cell phone. Also, the female coworker there would join forces with the receptionist to head off monster because she hates her so much. monster does keep showing up at church when she knows we will be there...this past saturday evening, we were sitting in the pew about 20 minutes before service began, and H commented that he thought we'd be safe...she would be out of town to get her D...I looked up past him, and who is proudly walking down the center aisle but good ole monster...I looked at h, rolled my eyes, and glanced in her direction, laughing...he rolled his eyes back at me and shook his head. she had to have seen it.
I am working constantly to remind myself that there is nothing the tramp can do that is worth my time and energy to worry about, nothing. Even if h were to leave, what she does is not worth my energy to react to...I need to keep focusing on doing what I need to do for me, my family, for our R/M...for H. NOT in response to anything she does or doesnt do.
We finally got a pool table for a family xmas gift...talked about it last year, but never got around to doing it. this means that we need to get a lot of "stuff" moved out of the basement, and H tackled it with gusto....it's nearly done...this is something he'd have never done before.
We took off the week after Christmas, and it was in many ways the nicest holiday we've had in many years, because it was peaceful, calm and loving. I thought several times how nice it was to finally have my H back, and of the miserable christmases we've sometimes had in the past, with fights and such sadness. There is some terrible sadness though, my 43 yo brother was diagnosed with lymphoma 3 days after xmas. I'm afraid it is very advanced, although we're awaiting results of biopsy/MRI's. I was so sad the morning after I found out, that I didnt even get out of bed till almost noon, just tearful and blown away. 2X that morning H came into the bedroom, hugged me, and laid down on bed beside me, kissed me and said ILY....asked if I was ok... I couldnt help but think how different that was than other times. Even at thanksgiving, when he was making the calls to monster, he seemed preoccupied.
oh yeah, he also commented that she claims to have never gone after a married man before, but h said that she was carrying on with 3 married guys with a webcam on a "sex site"...h's comment was "I'll bet their wives would say they were being cheated on"...
he also commented that "you just can't go on like that, you have to have some way to get it off your chest" (meaning the a)when I mentioned having seen a letter in the newspaper advice column where a w was given her h's old cell phone by him, and found text messages to a coworker saying ILY and all kinds of stuff...of course the h called her a snoop, etc.....my comment was "he had to have wanted to be caught" and h agreed "he probably did" and made the above comment. gotta run, will try to catch up some tomorrow.
