hey there! first of all congrats on the weight loss, that's great! keep it up
Quote: 3rd anniversary of the day i found out about H's A....after months of wondering what on earth was going on with him. So, I'm kinda all over the place today and have been for a week. i am finding it hard to put all the shock and horror of that awful time out of my mind and keep it there. it keeps creeping back in, and bringing with it lots of doubt and fear and pain. Lord that was an awful time. I'm surprised in a way that I made it through.
ok, what kind of anniversary is that? stop marking such dates hon.
Fear and doubt are taking a back sit w/me now, they were reigning my mind for the longest time, it will take lots of mind work, but you can exorsize those demons. I want you to read either "Healing the Hurt in Your Marriage: Gary Rosberg" you need to keep your mind occupy so fear won't reign, jam it w/positive reading, also a great christian book "battlefiend of the mind" which 'lays out the principles to stop the negativity in one's thinking, from the endless loop of senseless chatter that drifts through the mind to the ingrained fragments of resentment that might have festered for years, to the "wilderness mentality" that sets up road blocks'.
you can do it
And boy, what a looser that monster, yikes! made my skin crawl just reading about her, what a basket case!
Which goes to show all of us women here, that drama will lead us nowhere (not that anyone here has behaved so horrible, but that sometimes we like to throw some drama in in an efford to "make" our Hs do or 'feel' something.)
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Quote: LOL!!!!! What kind of woman proposes to a married man on her knees in a MacDonald's???????????????????????? Could she BE any more of a whack-job?
oh, yeah, I think you said it all! obviously, she is more of a whack job than I ever even dreamed she was. All along a little voice in the back of my mind kept telling me that she had to be "off the deep end" to even get involved with H....to put herself in that type of situation, and to be so oblivious to what would be the most likely of the potential outcomes... Well, last night H and I talked (h talked, I listened ) and I swear more and more it comes out what a fricking fruit cake she is. lets see....cant even remember it all, I just can't take it all in after a while, but.... H did say that by her report, she has worn a dress 2 times in her life....1)her wedding, 2)to a hi school prom. I have noticed, and it's stuck in my mind as odd, that she NEVER, I mean not 1 time, has worn anything but "Khakis"...to work, church, "out & about"....plus at one point I thought she looked so much like a man, I couldnt comprehend what physical attraction there could be. I still remember the time S and I walked into Target, and she was at the check out counter, and S (then 12) said LOUDLY "oh my god, look at her, she looks like a guy!" Any way, the point of my rambling is that it has occured to me before, and it did again last night, that perhaps part of her weird motivation in seducing guys like she does is some gender identity disturbance. it has to be part of it...I wont go into details, but....
h was also talking about how she hates men....how she sucks (Hoovers)them in, sets them up, and then brings them down, from the male nurse in Ark. who lost his nursing license after she ran him through the wringer a few times, to the more recent guy she took up with here in town who was literally "rescued" by his AA co-horts who did an intervention on him...and the list goes on and on.
H hacking into her dating site emails evidently really frosted her cookies....she threatened to tell his wife about it. I had to laugh at that. She's so delusional she thinks I'd give a rat's @ss if he hacks her email?????
Evidently when they got back together last spring, she told H he had 120 days to move into her place or she would "dump" him...H said "that's about how long it took....that would have been the end of August/mid Sept"....Evidently it is somehow a big thing for h that he was able to be the "dumper" and not the "dumpee" this time. last nite H was talking about telling her she has "120 days" to find another job before he turns her into the state nursing board and cps for giving her D prescription psychotropic drugs, & tells her xh about that and the porno websites she participates in. i believe he's just blowing off steam but I did caution him to be sure he doesnt leave a black and white trail she can use against him....
several times in the discussion, all I could say was "wow", and H would say "she's really really sick"...he asked me this morning about a website on borderline personality disorder I found. interesting.
I believe she really does have a disturbed sense of reality, Honestly, I think she sees herself as Scarlett O'Hara- "except for the names and few other changes, the story's the same"...GWTW is her favorite movie after all. Plus, I'd bet the farm she was physically and sexually abused as a child.
Oh, yeah, I'm watching my back. I'm sure I don't even know 1/2 of it yet.
I keep trying and trying to focus on that...and keep that my focus. So many times during all this I've doubted that I really did know what I thought I knew, if that makes sense... I could never figure out how the stuff monster did would "work" with H, because in all the years I've known him, I knew it to be the kind of stuff he absolutely detests. The drama and demands and fit-pitching. That is what was so puzzling about all of this.... but in the end, evidently I DID know....it apparently backfired on her. A couple of times recently H commented that I was his inspiration through this...I finally asked "How" I was his inspiration, and his comment was "through all this crap you have been so unfailingly kind and gentle, and loving no matter what. Such a difference from the fit-throwing demands. You taught me what real love is, and that is what I try to emulate now"....I couldnt believe my ears. never thought I'd hear that. Luckily for me, he seems to have forgotten the fits I've thrown...and the time i launched the frozen lunch container across the laundry room at him. Or, maybe my fits just pale by comparison. H also told me in the last couple of weeks that I was beautiful...couldnt believe that either, I don't think he's EVER said that before. So, I TRY to keep my focus on "keeping on keeping on"....still fail pretty miserably at it some days, though.
Hi Cat! Yes, I know you're right about the Anniversary. I'm working on looking past it, but it is seared into my brain it seems, and very challenging still to put it out completely. Hopefully it will get easier as time goes on. Thank for the book suggestions, I will look into both of them. They sound like they would be very helpful!
Hi there Fizzle - It's good to hear your positive updates, and in reality, it is probably half down to H turning his corner, and half due to your ability to handle the situation better. These days, I find myself re-acting sooo differently from 3 years ago. Pity NG is still the same
) and I swear more and more it comes out what a fricking fruit cake she is. lets see....cant even remember it all, I just can't take it all in after a while, but....