I keep trying and trying to focus on that...and keep that my focus. So many times during all this I've doubted that I really did know what I thought I knew, if that makes sense... I could never figure out how the stuff monster did would "work" with H, because in all the years I've known him, I knew it to be the kind of stuff he absolutely detests. The drama and demands and fit-pitching. That is what was so puzzling about all of this.... but in the end, evidently I DID know....it apparently backfired on her. A couple of times recently H commented that I was his inspiration through this...I finally asked "How" I was his inspiration, and his comment was "through all this crap you have been so unfailingly kind and gentle, and loving no matter what. Such a difference from the fit-throwing demands. You taught me what real love is, and that is what I try to emulate now"....I couldnt believe my ears. never thought I'd hear that. Luckily for me, he seems to have forgotten the fits I've thrown...and the time i launched the frozen lunch container across the laundry room at him. Or, maybe my fits just pale by comparison. H also told me in the last couple of weeks that I was beautiful...couldnt believe that either, I don't think he's EVER said that before. So, I TRY to keep my focus on "keeping on keeping on"....still fail pretty miserably at it some days, though.
