Hi HP, I also think the porno stuff is seperate....I am deducing (ASSuming?) the phone sex stuff from the pages that I saw that seemed to be "separated" from the mags....I've not seen any "hard" evidence. ew, that was a bad pun...
I understand about the change of heart....guess I'm hoping that's whats happened since I've been feeling so much calmer. I'm thinking about boundaries here as i type....boundaries are rules that govern our interactions with others...they are flexible, changeable depending on relationships and life circumstances. boundaries that are appropriate in one sitch arent necessarily appropriate in another. I can neither control h's behavior nor establish his boundaries for him. All I can do is decide what I have for a "bottom line", and how I will respond to what he does in his "realm of control"....I see boundaries as being different than ultimatums. Which is not to say that I believe boundaries arent important, they are, certainly, i just don't believe they are set in stone. so, I have set some boundaries, guess I just never wrote about them: She is never to set foot in my home again...I will post "no trespassing" signs (I think you must do this for it to be enforcable) and call the cops if she does (this is probably shaky ground, as he lives there also), she is to have NO CONTACT EVER with S...I will get a restraining order (have spoken w/Attorney about this...and now have medical documentation that she adversly affects his physical health, it's hard to prove emotional/mental); Any more harrassement at work (her elbowing in coffee room, following me, parking by me, etc.) I will report to the executive director....guess though are the main ones, but i'm prepared to follow through with out a 2nd thought.
When it comes to his interactions with her, since I have no control, my options are to stay or to leave. Currently it is not in my best interest in any way -except for justifying my anger at having been "betrayed" and "done wrong" and to meet my need to punish him- for me to leave.And perhaps some pity and drama from workers. Honestly, that is EXACTLY what I would gain. I have done lists and lists of pros and cons, and that is what comes through time after time. So, not to say that I disagree about boundaries, but that they look different from situation to situation, there's no one size fits all. And I'm not without the ones that seem to be best in my current situation. I will change them when I've gathered the resources I need to be able to effectively change my living situation. I dunno, maybe the "change of heart" has happened, and that's what is keeping my calm. Guess we'll see. musings from a tired mind here! bleh. Gonna go home shortly and fight the check book and move bedroom furniture. theres a refreshing break (not)
