and then today.... didnt hear much from him at all except that he was having a crappy day. on supper break, I figured out that I've made a big mistake in the check book, havent told him about it....the calculator must have been off some how and I didnt catch it. then, before he went home he stopped by my office.... I asked him about a check I'd noticed he took...he said the kids have asked him to go in on a bike for my birthday. I said "so the check is for a bike?" and he said "no, it's for the phone bill"....I sighed, said "oh ick, just hearing that gives me heart palpitations" and he said well you will notice it going down now because that is done....didnt dawn on me what he was talking about....then he explained: I guess he told her no more contact ever. I havent seen any evidence other than his word. guess I should ask for more. Evidently she sent him a scathing email out of the blue this morning, calling him and SOB and a liar and all kinds of names and really pitching a fit because he worked on a Saturday (I know he did that time) with another female coworker who works in the out-of-town office. Evidently monster hacked into his email here at work and read emails about that. I wonder, though if she would have read the emails between us. I suppose those are the ones he deletes, although we had some steamy ones lately....I guess a fight raged all day....that's why I wasnt hearing much from him.
He said he had to end it on his terms in order to be over it, and not to feel so guilty, and now he has....said "I told you I would tell you when I had (yes, he did) and now I am".
Said he has really neat kids and she is so demanding for hers and discounting of his...yes, I'm sure, and that he loves his family and his home and the thought of leaving breaks his heart. That he thinks getting older is bothering him a lot, and that he just needs to accept it and enjoy the life we have. and that is what he intends to do. Said how she always whines and guilts him into coming back, and this time he wants it to be done, wants to be away from her. said she has been stopping by his office to visit-I thought so...I'm in so much shock right now I can't remember what all else he did say. so.....we shall see. I'm just numb. and overwhelmed. Pray for me. I really do think a lot of this started when D left for college. 6 years ago now. that's when he got really depressed and despondent.
I so wish this would be it. I told him it gets worse and worse everytime it happens again, and I just can't go through it anymore. He said he knows that, it's why I havent been able to sleep and he's sorry and maybe I will be able to sleep tonight.
I certainly hope so. and that I can figure out what to do about the damn checkbook.
Oh God, to have the damned affair finally over for good.
