Okay, Deb, how's this for an action plan? 1) Make an appointment with your doctor. Ask to be tested for thyroid disease (a FULL panel including TSH, FREE T4, FREE T3, and thyroid antibodies) and ask for a cortisol test to rule out Cushing's disease. Also ask for antibody tests for celiac disease (remember it's more common in relatives of Type 1 diabetics) and ask to be screened for any signs of diabetes yourself. I say all this because A) it's important to keep yourself healthy through all this and B)it's so rare for a person here not to be able to lose weight after the bomb that I have to assume you have something wrong with your metabolism.
2) Go to the library THIS WEEK and take out Your Money or Your Life by Dominguez. It's a short read and will inspire you. Also then take out any book by Dave Ramsey on debt-free living, and go online and find a webcast of his radio show. Ignore H's BS about you being solely responsible for the debt (that's the advantage of him sticking his head in the sand and leaving you solely responsible for managing the money, isn't it - he gets deniability!) and just focus on making a PLAN. I bet H will relax once he sees a plan in place and being executed. (Make sure part of the plan is to put away a little secret stash for yourself, in case H goes off the cliff). (I also like The Tightwad Gazette by Dacyzyn).
3) Take a moment to think about what approaches have or haven't worked successfully for you in the past for weight loss. Do you know what works, or has everything you tried failed? Maybe a 180 is in order - if you tend to eat lowfat/high carb, maybe you should try an Atkins-type diet? (Or vice versa?) My new thyroid doctor recommended a book, The Rosedale Diet, which is a low-carb, high "good fats" diet. I'm just starting it, but I did find a good online community for low-carb dieters (sorry, don't have the link, but I think it is low carb friends). Or take a look at Flylady's site - she has some kind of weight loss thing going on there in addition to the housecleaning stuff.
4) Commit to getting out of the house with a girlfriend once or twice a month.
Okay - I know it seems like all i'm doing is telling you to work on you - but that's ALL you have control over! And you would be happier with these things under control, no matter what happens to the marriage.
As for attorney stuff - even if your state is a community property state, it may not work out "50/50" like you think. Here in California, which is a community property state, there still seem to be allowances for alimony, allowing the custodial parent to remain in the family home until the minor child is grown, etc. Maybe you need to visit another attorney for a second opinion there.
