Deb:

I hope you didn't read my post as totally negative.

I don't think your marriage is "down the tubes". I DO
think there is hope. But only if your husband has
a "life altering experience"....right now he is
rockin' on with how he has been allowed to do for
the past several years. You allow it, Monster allows
it.

I was once told by a therapist that for a person to
really change, to "wake up and smell the roses" so to
speak, that a "life altering experience" needs to
occur. I think in this case, that would mean you
asking him to leave or you leaving. He has to be given
the opportunity to see for himself what life without
Deb would be like. I bet he would really miss you.

At this point in time, you cannot worry about him and
his finances. He doesn't worry about yours, so stop
worrying about his. Worry about Deb and DS. I'll bet
the financial advisor can help you figure out a way to
make ends meet, and then you should just "go for it".

I think I see that you are afraid if you actually
kick him out or leave yourself, that he will run to her
and never look back. Possibly he may, but that doesn't
mean that he will stay with her. Right now, he only sees
life with her thru rose colored glasses. My guess is those
glasses may come off real quick once the "thrill" of the
affair is gone. JMHO. sometimes the OW needs to be
given the opportunity to cook her own goose.

And stop letting him blame YOU and the kids
for his obvious mental problems. A man who blames
his own children for his need to stray has serious problems. Not nice!

Since he can't seem to make a decision between you
and monster, why not make the decision for him? I
can promise you, he will respect you more if you do.
Marriage can only survive and be healthy between
two people who respect each other.

Good luck Deb. Be strong. Don't be a doormat.