Hi CupCake and Ellie, Everything in my life feels like such a mess and so out of control. I am struggling with so much right now, from my point of view. that said, I had a flash of inspiration, or something, that I could afford the house, etc, on my own....if I could get rid of the car payments...not sure how that would work, but I do know that h would have to pay something for child support. I honestly can't see how we can support two separate residences with our finances intertwined, not sure if that makes sense. I do worry about what the stress will do to S...I am not clear about how it effects diabetes, but I know it isn't good. I do have an appt thurs. am w/the financial counselor I talked to a few months ago...to reevaluate "stuff"...don't know.... I am not sure what I'm watching here with H, if its the ending of our M, or if he's wrestling with "stuff" or if he's chosen to be "in it" and pouting or what.... Yesterday was S's actual BDay, so we had the older kids over for cake & ice cream. H came in the door from work cussing because he dropped a tupperware container from his lunch....oh joy. of course in all fairness, the ac in his vehicle had given out on the way home (probably going to be a huge expense, i suppose) I had dinner nearly ready, he didnt want to eat, wanted to do chores and then work out...ok...I told him no problem. all this takes about 1.5 hours. I did a bit of straighteningthen went to do the treadmill...H was down there lifting, after I'd been on the treadmill for about 1/4 the time, he said "I quit I'm done" (early) and left, went upstairs and ate without me. When the kids came, we watched some tv comedy after the cake and ice cream, and everyone laughed. When we went to bed he was distant, I thought. This morning, hard to describe, kinda lukewarm....gave me a hug before going to work, but left with an ILY for the first time in years. I didnt say it either. I'll bet dollars to donuts he'd say it's because I didnt say it.
I dunno, I realize it's useless to try to predict but I still wonder if I'm watching the death or he's pouting about getting back in, or debating about what to. any guesses?????
Oh yeah, I don't think I posted, but when I was so upset over the weekend, he commented that part of the reason for the A was that "you've only been nice for a little while in your life"...I've thought about that a lot, and I really don't believe it's true. I've always been a considerate person, in fact I think I'm probably usually nice to a fault. We had an angry, go-nowhere discussion that I was down and depressed for years as well...and i was. I so distinctly remember when D was a baby....wishing H would help...be a partner...he claims he did...I bought a book by James Dobson, what wives wish husbands knew, or something like that, and asked him to read it. The walls still vibrate from the fit he threw. never went down that tunnel again. He has alluded to the fact, although never actually come out and said it, that he resents the fact that "I" had S14....I guess it was my own MLC, I wanted another, thought that H did too....I was pushing 38 when he was born. Actually, H did indicate at the time he wanted another. He has never been the parent to S that he was to our D though, sadly. Even D has said that she feels sorry for her brother because he had such a different father. I have to admit, $$$ wise it made no sense to have another. but then when do kids ever make $$$ sense...or time sense, or marriage sense, or any "rational" sense now that I think about it.
