Hi there, Fizzle - So sorry I was out of town and missed the start of this.
I agree, not going to the hospital with you and son and staying home to call oW would be the straw that pushed me over the edge.
Is this current contact with OW just a final revisit or an attempt to self-medicate his depression? Who knows. What I DO think is that the time for patient waiting is done. He needs to feel what it is like to lose his family before he's ever going to deal with his issues.
You know, don't you, that this really isn't about your weight or your imperfections? Most likely, right now, it's about the loss of attention. You (quite rightly) had to switch your attention to son and his diabetes, (and before that had your daughter and SIL there) and H is so needy that he has to get that attention somewhere, so he gets it from her.
I wouldn't move out of the house - he's the cheater, make him move. Why should your son have to give up his bedroom? Pack H's bags, drop them at his office one day, and tell him he's not welcome at home.
I'm not saying your prior approach with him was wrong, I think it worked quite well, but I don't think it's the way to go now. And honestly, don't you think you could use the rest from all this you would get if he was out of the house? Wouldn't it be nice to only have to worry about yourself and S for a while?
I know money is a big issue - so go to an attorney and find out exactly where you would stand. Think creatively about ways you could increase your income of lower your expenses if H was gone (get a boarder? Create a part-time business of some sort on evenings/weekends? Maybe babysit other diabetic kids on weekends their parents need to go away? Ask for a raise at work? Consider moving to another company for a higher salary?).
What I WOULDN'T do is let him stay in the home unless he meets ALL your conditions, which MUST include getting trwatment for his depression, and getting tested for hypothyroidism (btw, have you been tested yet?).
You know, OW is like a drug. He's like a heroin user, he's back to using but doesn't want to lose his family, so he's hiding it.
