Quote: I recalculated the figures using NET income and re-adjusting the % of time with each parent to 55%W and 45%me and the new figure was calculated at W owes me $193/mo. I could hear my wife pick her jaw up off the floor because according to her she is $800 in the hole now. I told my W that I would NEVER take child support payments from her because that would go against everything I believe about being a man.
How does accepting money from her to basically be GIVEN to your kids have anything to do with YOU being a man? The money is not for YOU, it's for the KIDS. At least by taking it from her you are SURE it will be used for kids clothes, allowances, whatever. She NEEDS to pay. It's part of HER lesson. Don't deny her this.
Quote: She asks me if I would be OK paying for 1/2 of my son's daycare expense and I said yes. This is what she previously told me she would want, so no big deal to me.
I agree, paying for things that are beneficial for BOTH of you is fair. I assume child care helps you too?
Quote: I told her, look, I am not out to screw you over, pull a fast one, take advantage of you...those are my children and I will always do right by them. I asked my wife if she needed to transition into me paying $440/mo instead of $1000/mo over time to get used to it. She said no, she'll make it work. When I asked how, she said she'd borrow $$$ from MIL. She asked me if I would give her the check tomorrow, and I agreed.
You handled this well. She does need to pay child support though. I would just not bring it up until / unless the D moves forward.
Quote: My W seemed very afraid of the prospect of more separation of our lives with these changes in child support.
This is the key. Reality is catching up. The feight train is getting closer to crashing....What will she DO without you to take care of the details of her life while she plays?
Quote: My good friend tells me to pay what is required and no more. That way I will be able to buy myself my own place and ALWAYS be in control of where I am going to be living. He said by paying what is the correct amount for child support, I will get from where I am to where I want/need to be that much faster. I can't argue w/ that logic. I have such good friends saving me from myself.
He's a good friend. You should take his advice.
Quote: So, to recap, my W is trying to rekindle her R with OM who has been two-timing her since their R began. My W thinks I am stupid. My child support payments just went down by $560/mo. My wife is scared right now that financially she won't be able to make it on her own and maintain the same lifestyle to which she has grown accustomed.
Well, we al lknow how much of a loser OM is so the fact she see him as any kind of 'solution' is a reflection on her own self image. Which is a poor one at best.
Quote: I feel bad about her sitch. I feel bad that she feels that my A is forcing her to make the choices she is making. She won't look at her options, only getting a D and chasing two-timing OM. Sad, I feel. Very sad.
It is sad. Rememeber that she is USING your A as an EXCUSE to do what she is doing. It has nothing to do with you. I suspect that this would have happened eventually, she would have found something else to justify it then. My W was on the edge for 4-5 years till a 'wonderful guy' showed up and told her all she wanted to hear. It allowed her to continue avoiding her own internal struggles by running away from them.
