Those text msgs are, in fact, msgs to OM again. My poor wife is so confused, so lost, and her self esteem is so low. She's running back to OM because they have so much of a solid foundation after 3 1/2 months of duplicity in their R. Oh well, I can't make her see the value in her that I do. THAT is her job to solidify her feelings of self worth. I will just pray a hedge of thorns around her to keep her safe and keep the wolves at bay. I know the Lord is able to perform miracles, and WILL to keep the enemy at bay since my W is still hypnotized the him and his minion, OM.
I was relating this story to my good friend and told him that I know my W isn't stupid and believe that she is purposely leaving out info re: her actions to hurt me. He countered, NO, she just thinks you are stupid. THAT is entirely true, despite the fact the SIL told her awhile back that I am much smarter than she thinks I am, I know much more than she thinks I do, and that she shoud NEVER underestimate me. My SIL knows that if I am backed into a corner, I come out swinging, so look out. I love my SIL, she knows me better than my d*mn W does.
I then steered my W towards the conversation of suaring up the expenses for my son's and D's birthdays. W had previously said that I owed her for D's bday expenses and I told W that she still owed me for son't bday expenses and overall that left her owing me $10. I also gave her $40 cash tonight at the state fair and told her that before it came back to her as a nightmare memory, to just think of the $40 as a gift and that I didn't expect it back. She thanked me.
Next, I spoke with my W about child support. Recently my W has begun working for her mother more and now makes more than me plus she does her loan signings. Anyway, I was figuring out child support payments online and I got a figure that I need to be paying $163/mo. NOT the $1000/mo I have been paying since May 1. I recalculated the figures using NET income and re-adjusting the % of time with each parent to 55%W and 45%me and the new figure was calculated at W owes me $193/mo. I could hear my wife pick her jaw up off the floor because according to her she is $800 in the hole now. I told my W that I would NEVER take child support payments from her because that would go against everything I believe about being a man. I then asked my W to put her checkbook aside and tell me what she thinks she needs right now because my child support payments are for MY children. She asks me if I would be OK paying for 1/2 of my son's daycare expense and I said yes. This is what she previously told me she would want, so no big deal to me. When I was talking with SIL the other day, SIL told W that the $1000/mo I was paying her was ripping me off and was wrong. Again, I love my SIL. She speaks truth bluntly.
I also told my W that I wanted our agreement in writing because I am fearful that she will have a change of heart and change her mind. She insists that she will not and tries to get me to believe that I can trust her, but I don't trust much of what she says these days. She has proven to be a terrific, prolific liar. I also told her that I would state in the same document that I would NEVER take child support payments from her because she said she was somewhat afraid that the child support calculator said that she owes my $193/mo.
I told her, look, I am not out to screw you over, pull a fast one, take advantage of you...those are my children and I will always do right by them. I asked my wife if she needed to transition into me paying $440/mo instead of $1000/mo over time to get used to it. She said no, she'll make it work. When I asked how, she said she'd borrow $$$ from MIL. She asked me if I would give her the check tomorrow, and I agreed.
My W seemed very afraid of the prospect of more separation of our lives with these changes in child support. Remember, I started my sitch out giving her my ENTIRE paycheck from mid-Feb thru the end of April, and have been paying $1000/mo since then. I have been getting counsel from a gentleman vendor familiar with my sitch and he has been advising me to get my child support payments closer to where they should be and to get the changes in writing so that if and when we end up in court, I will have the supporing documentation. He also said that I need to think of my child support payments simply as a bill; no more, no less, otherwise I'll screw myself for 18 years.
My good friend tells me to pay what is required and no more. That way I will be able to buy myself my own place and ALWAYS be in control of where I am going to be living. He said by paying what is the correct amount for child support, I will get from where I am to where I want/need to be that much faster. I can't argue w/ that logic. I have such good friends saving me from myself.
So, to recap, my W is trying to rekindle her R with OM who has been two-timing her since their R began. My W thinks I am stupid. My child support payments just went down by $560/mo. My wife is scared right now that financially she won't be able to make it on her own and maintain the same lifestyle to which she has grown accustomed. I feel bad about her sitch. I feel bad that she feels that my A is forcing her to make the choices she is making. She won't look at her options, only getting a D and chasing two-timing OM. Sad, I feel. Very sad.
