Quote: This sounds good. I would have liked to have seen you say 'no' right off the bat even if it wasn't inconvenient but I'll take what I can get .
Thank you, Amy. I, too, will take what I can get. I'm working at it and I am the first one to say that I am a work in progress. As my MC said, I am a diamond. The world has heaped shovels of sh*t on top of me all my life and it is now my job to take a spoon and little by little uncover the diamond that is me. My rearview mirror has had the saying, I am a diamond, taped to it for over two years now to remind me when I forget,which is often.
Quote: I see improvement and yes, you have been enabling her by doing her stuff at work. She'll only hate you for it later anyway, you know?
I see improvement in me also. I am happy that you do too. And yes, I do believe that what I do for her will be used against me in the end; not as enabling, but as DISabling her. THAT is why her telling me today that I am amazing was so amazing. She is NOT one prone to giving compliments by mistake. I believe she meant it genuinely. But, then the dark side of me tells me, don't buy that BS, she is only greasing the 'do what I want' slope to make it easier to have you slide into doing another "favor" for her. I don't know. I am not trusting of her right now. All of her actions are selfish, self-centered, and self-absorbed lately.
Quote: Keep practicing the "N" word.
I have and I will more often going forward until NO rolls off my tongue as answer to her as easily as saying YES to bending over backwards to accomodate her does now. Mixed emotions all around my sitch, and confusion, at least for me.
Quote: Please forgive me for the short posts these days. I am reading, though and you're doing much better.
You are forgiven, not there is anything to forgive you for. Thank you for following my sitch. I appreciated whatever perspective you can muster the energy to offer. You are in my thoughts often.
SIDE NOTE: Today MIL and SIL took care of S all day and my D after she finished her first day of first grade. I was invited over to MIL's house for dinner since I needed to go there to pick up the children (my night). My W was out in the field for the better part of the PM and came into our office right after we closed up. I was still there and my W made a comment that she was mad that SHE didn't get an invitation to her mother's house for dinner. I invited her to her mother's, but she declined saying that she actually had a signing but that her mother did NOT know that and that's why she was feeling hurt b/c she still didn't get the invite even though her mother didn't know about the signing.
I don't think she was really hurt. Just an opportunity to make idle chit chat conversation with me i.e. to make a connection/contact with me OR is that just my delusional wishful thinking??? I don't know. I do know that THAT convo did NOT need to happen, but it did.
Later on in the evening, my SIL figured out that I had taken care of my children on both Friday (the majority of the evening) AND Saturday (ALL evening) evenings and all day Sunday (with my W) and last weekend wasn't even my weekend. SIL kept harping on the point, clearly annoyed with her selfish sister's behavior and unwillingness to care for her own children, and I kept trying to deflect the questions and not directly answering the obvious. My MIL chimed then in that she believed that W was busy tonight because she didn't have the children and usually had plans. I said, with a not so hidden flavor or sarcasm, NO, she doesn't usually have plans when she doesn't have the children. MIL and SIL rolled their eyes in a knowing way. Those two are neither stupid nor blind as to my W.
I am unclear how my W can be so oblivious to her own behavior and the impact that it has on her H, her children and how it affects everyone's, including HER OWN family's, feelings towards her negatively. Perhaps she is not oblivious. Perhaps it is starting to hit home and THAT is why I have seen the miniscule movement that I have seen lately. Maybe that glacier of a heart is starting to melt. I can always hope and pray.
This much I do know. Her sister is absolutely disgusted with her behavior and SIL has MIL's ear at all times because the live together and MIL listens to everything that SIL says and feels. Plus, SIL is not one to shy away from vocalizing her feelings about any issue.
Maybe the global warming in my W's world that is necessary to melt that glacier of a heart that she has right now will be sped up by SIL's feelings and subsequently MIL's feelings toward W and her behavior. Who knows, but if what W says is true about how she feels about her own family, perhaps it will have an impact on W and her subsequent positive motion in her and our sitch. Only time will tell. Who knows. They could just keep their feelings to themselves, as the often do with her. We'll see.
At the end of my time at MIL's house W showed up to see our children. She keeps saying that she misses them so much. W is supposed to start coming home earlier from work to spend time with our children. As my MIL told me, this is where the rubber meets the road for me. I am NOT to help W with her work. She is to sink or swim on her own and she will her the 'N' word often and regularly. I am not going to assist her in divorcing me. absolutely NOT. If she really wants to divorce me, the ball (and ALL of the D work) is in her court. I am lovingly detaching, NOT lovingly enabling my W to D me.
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