Thank you for responding Amy. I hope this explanation helps. I see how what I posted would be disturbing and need to be clarified by answering your question. Thanks.
P.S. If you haven't already done so, please read my last few posts. LOTS of "stuff" happening in my sitch/life.
Quote:
Quote: Looks like you're getting me for now but I'm sure Frank will be around soon.
You made one statement that kind of disturbs me and I would like to know if you could please elaborate...it was...
Quote: I can tell that she is deathly afraid of me
That really bugs me so please help me understand this.
I'm sorry.
I was really going to say some other stuff but I need you to clear this up for me first...
Absolutely, She is not deathly afraid of me, per se. She is deathly afraid of letting down her guard and letting me inside her defenses for fear that she will be hurt again. She feels that her moat around her heart is her only mode of survival right now. Her feelings/experience that I continue to mistreat her don't help matters either.
The only task I will focus on is to continuse my work on me. I know my affair really destroyed her. I have also come to understand that, often,my words are rude and condescending. It seems that that tone/behavior comes out mostly towards people I care about the most. THAT is an unfortunate behavior problem that I possess. I know that comes from placing my expectations on others and "grading" them against my expectations on my invisible score card. I need to treat those people I care about the most like I treat people I have just met; with kid gloves, with courtesy, acceptance, curiosity, respect, etc. I am learning, but I fear I may be learning too slowly and too late to save my M. I KNOW my W is still off and running like crazy to get away from me, and based on what she tells me her experience is with me, I can't say that I blame her. I need to focus all of my energy on ME and loving my W and children. NOTHING else matters. And I understand that loving my W most likely means detaching and lowering the emotional fireworks that presently exist in that R for me. Her behavior is HER behavior. I must keep reminding myself that her behavior does NOT determine my feeling and response. Her behavior does not make me react; my loss of contol makes me react. I am in control of me.
