Quote: Wow, what can I say. You're changes are becoming so obvious to MIL and she sees that she wants YOU around more than she wants W around.
At least that's what it sounded like yesterday, but I don't really trust MIL. Regardless, MIL keeps wanting to give me advice about how to deal with W becuase MIL keeps saying she knows W best. Hmmm...? Oh well, most of MIL's advice is about taking a stand, standing up for my self, and to quit being my W's doormat. I just wish my W would take notice of the changes I have made and am making as much as MIL seems to notice. Again, oh well....
Quote: your MIL is so right. DO NOT PROP W UP.
I KNOW MIL is absolutely right and I won't prop my W up. As GH said, when I stop "doing for" her, THAT'S when we'll see what value she places on me. I refuse to facilitate my W's success at work b/c she needs to sink or swim on her own because she insists she must and she's a single mom (according to her) and says she's divorced and tells D5 that (totally confusing D, plus have a BF while married; nice role model <HEAVY on the sarcasm!>. D*mnit, I am NOT going to help her divorce me. Absolutely NOT. I do NOT want to be her buddy outside of our marriage. I will NOT do that. I want to be married to her in a much healthier, happier marriage.
My W actually forced me to detach when she made the decision to converse with OM in my presence, and had the gall to make a flippant remark when I told her I would not subject myself to her convos with OM. THAT convo in my presence was WRONG in everyone's view. She has since apologized, but those were just words and her behavior is reprehensible. She's so lost.
Quote: Let her fall.
I will. Hard as it will be to witness, I will no longer prop her up so she can kick me to the curb. Uh uh. Nope.
Today was Day 1 of actually pulling back noticeably. I ended ALL of our conversations, cutting them short. I did not make myself overly friendly and didn't chase her around with phone calls. When I finally did see her, I talked about our children and left quickly. I have adopted the motto of "Smile and Wave."
It's going to work, as I am very conversive with all of my co-workers, but won't be with W. I remember one time when we worked together b4, my W told MIL that I don't know how to have fun. My MIL told me she was confused by that b/c I seemed to have fun eith EVERYONE I interacted with each day. Oh well, slanted views of an unappy W.
Tonight, my cell phone rang and I have a bluetooth earpiece that seems to be permanentlh attached to my ear even when I am home. I didn't even think about it and answered the phone w/o knowing who was calling. It was her and she needed my help on work issues. I answered her questioned and then she tells me, "I want to get off the phone." I say goodbye.
Less than 2 minutes later, she calls my cell phone again and this time I have the cell phone in front of me and know it's her calling. I don't answer and she leaves a message to call her. Now, here is where I really struggle with detaching b/c I have ALWAYS helped her, ALWAYS! Pulling back and detaching makes me feel like such a cad, but I keep hearing that if she wants to D me I may as well help her feel divorced NOW, before we actually are divorced. Maybe THEN she'll change her mind. This sucks. But I know I am strong and I am determined enough to get through this F-ed up mess in which I find myself! Grrrr! Ugh!
Quote: I'm so glad to see this progress.
Me too. I have changed my focus from progess in my sitch to my progress improving me. I am making headway. I need to read more and apply what I read to my life. I will.
I am liking me a lot more these days. I have rediscovered the real me during my sitch as I work to build a better me.
