Today was a doozy of a day. First of all, I get into the office and I find out that our new leasing agent needs to leave early, our office assistant is leaving early also, W won't be there and that leaves me to cover AGAIN because I always do. This kind of crap always cuts into my workday and then people want to question me on why a task took longer that usual. GRRR!
THEN, my W comes to work with my D in tow. I find out that my W needs to attend a meeting all afternoon so I am the one who will be watching our D at work and trying to work at the same time. Now, I love my D, but trying to work with her alongside is tough, to say the least. Oh well, I handle it like I do everything else.
At one point, my W tells me she wants to discuss something important with me but she only has a minute. Next thing I know, she is leaving and I tell her so much for the minute you had to discuss your important item. She then asks me to go to lunch with her, D, and MIL. I agree. When I get there, the conversation is about my MIL's and W's feelings about our neighbor watching our children. Mind you, this is the neighbor whose family my W go sh*tfaced with and revealed embarassing stuff to OM. And THEY are unfit?? After the convo goes on awhile, my W says to me H, what do you have to say about this, you ARE their father. I look my W square in the eyes and I tell her that I had previously told her that she and I needed to have this discussion in private BEFORE bringing others into it. I tell her I want to discuss it with you in private later. She tells me, why don't we just discuss it now because I don't want to discuss it later. Typical of her. I am sure she feels that my wanting to discuss OUR children in private was my controlling her. Sick!
My MIL, sensing my anger, pipes in asking me what I think. I tell her I am not willing to discuss the matter right then. My MIL went on to tell me her reasons for having reservations about our current babysitter and her family watching our children. She made valid points. MY valid point is that our children are OUR children, no one else's and my W shows me no respect in any arena, and our children are definitely one of those important arenas.
W goes to her meeting, came back and is sitting in (what is NOW) OUR office and she gets a call from OM. It is so obvious that it is OM I stand up say that I am not going to stay in the office while she has a convo with OM (I actually name him loud enough for him to hear). She says good, leave! A few minutes later, I check back in our office and she is gone so I continue working. When she makes her way back into the office I tell her that I want to talk to HER about something important. She says she is not going to talk to me right then. She didn't know that my important topic was our children, not her F-ing A. My thoughts were how the F can she have the time to have a convo with OM and not have time to discuss an important issue with her F-ing husband. I blew up and tell her I am going to make a scene. She knows I won't and storms off.
Next thing I know she is outside on her cell phone, and I figured that she is calling OM to b*tch about me. NOPE! She was on the phone with MIL and MIL shows up shortly to see if I am available to talk. I make myself available and the convo goes like this: MIL asks me about what happened? She tells me that she has a business to run and does not want personal matters taking up company time or spilling over onto other employees. I tell her that I will not bring up another personal matter on company time, end of story. She says thanks. MIL then starts asking me if W and I can work together in the same company and share the same small office? She says she had and has her doubts. I simply tell my MIL that I know that I can do it, that I will stop talking to W except for the bare minimum. MIL tells me THAT'S not what I meant, I want you to do favors for e/o. I tell MIL I DO do favors for my W, more than I would for any other co-worker. I tell my MIL that I love her D and although the outlook for our M is bleak, I still haven't given up hope. I tell her that I believe in miracles. I tell MIL that I only want to be treated with respect and W has affored me NO RESPECT since my A came to light. MIL says that W says the same thing, that I don't show her any respect. I know this, except for backsliding on rare occasion, I have shown my W the utmost respect. I tell my MIL that I respect the fact that she was willing to have this convo with me, and asked that she have the same convo with W. She said she would b/c it would not be fair to have me behave and W constantly antagonizing me. I said fair enough.
My MIL asks me what caused me to get angry with my W and I tell my MIL that W took a call from OM and proceeded to have a convo with him while I was in the same room. I tell my MIL that THAT is disprectful. I also tell my MIL that W is having an affair, regardless of how she justifies her bullsh*t to herself. I tell her that I have held it together, shown her respect, done my job, loved our children and been responsible. MIL says that W did NOT tell her that W was carrying on a convo with OM in my presence. I tell MIL of course not, she conveniently leaves out her own contributions to the deterioration of our M and the deterioration of any interaction we have that goes bad. I tell MIL that W simply wants to look good and make me look bad and win more points for her side of our sitch.
My MIL said quite plainly that having a convo with OM in my presence was WRONG and she would not have put up with that either. I told MIL, listen, I know you love your D and I don't want to throw your D under the bus. I simply need to say that when you hear ONE side of the story and it's hers, it's slanted in her favor. Our M is a prime example. If you ask her, she will till you that I am 99% of the problem in our M and she is maybe, repeat MAYBE 1%. MIL says that she doesn't want any yelling in her office, slamming doors throwing things, hitting, etc. I calmly tell MIL that I never did any of those things but I am confident that the way MIL heard them was bad H, bad H! MIL says that's NOT how she heard the stories. My MIL says that she KNOWS her D! MIL says that she didn't come in to talk to me having already judged the situation, she simply wanted to take care of her business and make her wishes as the owner known.
I tell MIL that I have concerns about W taking on more work, planning to leave early each day, doing her loan signings, carrying on her A, etc. I tell MIL I feel that, at a minimum, I am going to get more of W's work so she can continue on in her path hindered as little as possible. I tell MIL, you always say that you know more about what happens in your business than people think you know. I tell MIL, you probably know this. When your D was running your company, I was always holding her up, taking care of her taskes, etc. My MIL says she knows. She brought up a more recent event when my W called me when I was already at work to drive 1/2 hour to get our D ready for school, take her to school, pick her up and then watch both our children b4 needing to return to the office to cover the leasing desk (yes, AGAIN!!!). My MIL said that really pissed her off, but followed that up with SHAME ON YOU for allowing that to happen. MIL says, No! It's a complete sentence! My MIL, says again that she KNOWS her D better than anyone else knows her and that MIL does NOT want me helping W to succeed. MIL wants her to succeed or fail on her own and MIL says she is not leaving town any time soon b/c she fears that W will not be able to live up to her end of the bargain. My MIL repeats, DO NOT help to keep her from failing, because keeping her from failing will only get you what you (I) don't want. My MIL does not want her D to fail, but if she were a betting person....
My good friend re-iterated what he has previously told me. He has worked for my MIL for over 25 years and told me that I have made myself the most valuable employee that MIL has ever had. According to my friend, MIL feels comfortable leaving town whenever she wants for as long as she needs to knowing that I will keep everything running smoothly until she returns. Perhaps she DOES see more than I realize she sees. We'll see.
I told MIL, listen I have never loved working for any company more than I have loved working here. I bust my butt for this company. I tell her that on Wednesday I am getting cable internet and will be able to do the majority of my desk work from home and will stay out of the office as much as possible so as not to conflict unnecessarily with W. My MIL quickly says, the office needs you here! I don't want you to do that. I felt a sense of validation from her saying that. I felt like she was saying that I have value for the company, even if I don't for her D. I just re-iterated that I will keep my working R with my W professionally courteous; no animosity. My friend says that MIL values me because I value family and MIL is family and MIL can always count on being able to see her grandchildren regardless of whether her D get pissed at her, as W is prone to do.
I then walked out of our office, grabbed a soda, told our D we had to go. We left. I called my W to ask her to lock the front locks on the office. She said she would and then apologized for carrying on her convo with OM in my presence. I simply said OK and ended the call quickly THAT'S how I will strive to keep all of our conversations going forward. Short and to the point. I am now in full detach mode. Strange thing is that her own mother is giving me advice on how to get her to wake the hell up. I love my MIL and I hate her too. Savagely strange dynamic. I am loyal to the bone to people who have NO loyalty to me. My friend says I am the way that I am b/c that's the way I was raised and that's actually a good thing.
And so my mantra is now, LOVINGLY DETACH! Stay with me my fellow DB/DR brethren. I no longer feel the rebuilding, restoration and reconciliation of my M is a longshot. IT IS A FOREGONE CONCLUSION! ONLY TIME STANDS IN THE WAY! As the song goes, "I will walk by FAITH, even when I cannot see."
First of all, I get into the office and I find out that our new leasing agent needs to leave early, our office assistant is leaving early also, W won't be there and that leaves me to cover AGAIN because I always do. This kind of crap always cuts into my workday and then people want to question me on why a task took longer that usual. GRRR!
