I am. You have been a Godsend for me and my sitch. Question: are you selling Frank D "signature line" paddles on e-Bay that I can purchase to spank my W?? How much are they? How sturdy are they? LOL
I think I should, I could make some bucks. Times are tight in this house right now and I could use the bucks!
So, you liked that idea, huh? LOL Trust me, they would be big sellers throughout the world!
Quote: Spank away! You're sounding very healthy.
I am sounding healthy, but feeling too healthy. Grrr! Today, my W called me and asked me if I would do a favor for her. She sounded awful, so I asked her if she was OK. She said NO. I asked her if she was sick or upset and she said upset. I asked her if she needed to talk and she said no. I instantly took this to mean that all was not well on OM Street. I began to smile and gloat inside. Bad move. Made for stupid behavior on my part. Serious backsliding. Grrrrr!
I did the favor and was really feeling that W either broke it off w/ OM or OM broke it off with her. Dumb a$$ that I can be. There I go again, reading minds. Anyway, she gets to work and immediately asks me if she can buy me lunch. I agree. I know that I needed to say no, but I was stuck on the gloating train and wanted to hear the gory details of the mess she was experiencing. Stupid me. Damnit. I pray that I will DB/DR on a consistent basis w/o backsliding so unnecessarily. Grrrr!
We are driving to lunch and she tells me that she got really drunk the previous night with OM and our neighbors. I told you she was hurrying me and our children out of the house b/c OM was coming over. She is so F-ing transparent. She continues telling me that she does/says really stupid things when she gets really drunk, but she is NOT an alcoholic. I am thinking, riiiiggggghhhhhhttttt. You are definitely an addict and alcohol is now your drug of choice b/c when you do drink you drink to get drunk not to just loosen up and be social.
My wife spent 12 years in A.A. because she is a drug addict and didn't connect with those people in N.A. so she found sobriety in A.A. Nothing wrong with that except that although she found sobriety, she was simply an A.A. junkie who went to meetings and spent the entire time outside smoking and BSing. Fellowship was her new drug of choice not working the program. I would go to meetings with her on occassion and would liken the scene to a jr. high school atmosphere, complete with the "in crowd." I found it nauseating.
Eventually, W decided that she is not an alcoholic and told me so. I told her that I didn't think she was an alcolhoic but KNEW she IS an addict, and THAT fact scared me a great deal. I was less concerned about it before my A and living apart b/c I was always there to temper her behavior and keep her safe. NOW, her behavior is off the charts when she drinks and I am not there to save her from herself. Also, today I found out some disturbing tales of my W's behavior when she got drunk but were still a couple (in her mind, anyway). More serious reasons to back the F off. Sad.
Back to today. She tells me that she got really drunk last night and told OM a story about herself from the last time (I think the story was about the last time she got drunk, but it may have just been the recounting of the last really embarassing act of hers) she got drunk. I ask her what did you tell him? She said she didn't want to tell me. That being the case, I am not so sure I NEED to know that BS. She is really upset with herself and continues telling me that when she drinks too much she generally does or says something really stupid. I simply told her I know. She was pissed about that.
The convo went on and I told her that she is still the same person that I met and fell in love with. She says no she's not she's changed a lot. Here's my really sh*tty part, I tell her that I know you THINK you changed, but you haven't; not in any real and substantial way. Now she's really pissed. She tells me that NOW she can see why no one likes me. I say nothing. I just get out of the car and head to the restaurant. She meets me there and I don't say a word. She tells me that she is sorry for saying what she said and I told her it's OK b/c I didn't take any of it on. I know my truth, which is that I get along with other people VERY well. I ask her if she really meant what she said or if she was just trying to hurt me. She said she didn't want to have THAT conversation. I just let it drop.
My C told me that my W is expert at making things up and saying things that will upset me. C also asked me what I am waiting for with my W. I told my C that I believe that since I am working to change, I believe that she can change too. My C said that after 12 years of A.A. she would be expert at behaving like a reaponsible adult, being in an adult relationship and owning up to her "stuff." C continues on by saying that after all of this time, and she is still behaving like this she is NOT going to change. C said that she was just attending meetings, not really working her program to heal herself. As you said, Frank. She was an A.A. junkie. IMO, she was trying to relive jr. high/HS and be part of the "in crowd."
I don't know what damaging story W told OM last night when she was drunk. I do know this. OM is finding out what he is getting into for real now with my W. Hope he likes what he finds since he's sleeping with my W. Not really. I hope he takes a hike now.
THIS is why my backsliding today really kicks me in the nuts. Assuming she pissed him off and he is done, my backsliding will only re-inforce that she already believes that I am NOT the one for her. Ugh! I am really working to let it go. I can't change it now. I do know that I owned up to my mistake and reminded her that I will continue to ask myself these three questions before opening my mouth to her: 1) Is it true?; 2) Is it kind? and 3) Is it necessary? She listened and said she had forgiven me, as she always does. If only THAT were true. She still has not forgiven me for my A, hence I am still neck deep in my sitch. Oh well, tomorrow is another day and I will start anew DB/DRing like a champ.
Quote: I would think you could 'goad' the 'the "Marriage Cancer,"' woman into telling you how your W was unhappy with you for years and was not such an angel with other men, or confirm that she was faithful.
I would think she would be happy to tell you this if it was true. It gives her 'power'. Not sure how I would ask it though. Maybe something like "I know she was unhappy for years. She would stay out late and I knew she was with someone else". Just to see what response you get.
I probably could goad Ms. Marriage Cancer into revealing my W's mistakes, but I wouldn't really gain anything from knowing. W is the one who has to live with any mistakes she has made and my knowing what they are would truly sesrve NO purpose. I love my W. I will simply work on backing off lovingly. I do wish her well and I hope we both work towards being the people that God always intended both of us to be.
