Quote: I understand where this is coming from though. She is hurt, angry, feels embarassed and betrayed and is also feeling the need to "save face" because all of the "stuff" she has heaped upon me to friends and acquaintances in the wake of my mistake. I am sure she does not want to look weak or bad after all of that. But, as my MIL has told me, I made a mistake and have worked very hard to atone for my A and to make amends to my W. My MIL says I have paid enough and I need to stand up for myself and stop being my W's doormat and/or whipping post.
None of these reasons are permission for her to be an A-HOLE. She's doing it because she CAN. Sounds to me like she has a BIG EGO and your MIL is right - Stop putting up with it. Look HH, she's doing what she's doing because she WANTS to. Nobody is making her do it. IF, as your MIL says, you have 'atoned' enough then I say your W is a total jerk who is selfish and immature.
Quote: I have not heard anything back, but since he is OUR mediator I am not sure if she has heard anything, and I am not in the mood to ask her. I believe since he is working for both of us, dealing with only one of us would be unethical.
And possibly illegal. Read your contract with him. Call him and ASK what the answers to her questions are.
Quote: BTW, I have never told W that I will not quitclaim the house to her. I also find it interesting/disturbing that she already wants her maiden name back. It has been my experience that most woment who have children are NOT in a huge hurry to change their last name and have a different last name from their children, unless they ARE getting re-M shortly. Who knows what's on her mind except anger for me? I suppose this can all be chalked up to her present state of mind.
I think you should tell her you aren't just going to quitclaim on the house. IN her present state she will be furious because she is not getting her way BUT she will also see that YOU are not a doormat and YOU are not rolling over for her. It may have an effect on her.
As far as changing her name to 'get married' that's lame. I don't believe it. She's still married to you so I think it's really designed just to hurt YOU. And you don't have to have your 'maiden name' to get married to someone. I wouldn't give it much creedence.
Overall HH I think you need to spank her more. It's one of the few instances where you MIL is right. Be firm but caring. SHe is way messed up and to be honest I think this is her TRUE nature.
