Quote: I'm sorry I kind of lost track of you for a few days. I had your previous thread in my favorites and I didn't realize it had locked. Found you now!
NP, my friend. Thank you for putting for the effort to find me.
Quote: I think you are doing great! It IS all about YOU finding your 'alpha male' and 'spanking' her as often as possible when she tries to manipulate you.
Thank you, my friend, but I struggle mightily to step out of my more of the same BS that I have re-inforced so strongly in my behavior with my W. One thing that is in my favor is that, at this point, I am less afraid than ever to step forward and be the man that I know that God always intended for me to be. If that means I lose my W and my M, then I will lose by putting up a fight for what is right; a fight for my M, and not sitting there passively and meekly while the enemy destroys what I hold dear. I can live with a negative outcome, knowing that I left no stone unturned in trying to restore and reconcile my M.
Quote: A couple thoughts. When she asks you if you are dating just say 'no, I take my marriage vows seriously and we are still married' and of course she will probably say something like 'Well you didn't whgen you were having your affair!' in which case you simply reply 'yes, and that was terribly wrong of me to do THEN just as it would be wrong for me to do it NOW'.
Oooooh, I like that. Thank you. THAT I will use. Firm, direct, and respectful to both of us.
Quote: Now she has to apply that to her OWN life.
I pray she does. I have become crystal clear that I cannot make her discoveries for her. I cannot have epiphanies for her. I cannot work on her issues for her. I can only work on me and show her my powerful example of changing me with effort, diligence and determination.
Quote: When she's 'flirting' with you I don't know if you are being 'firm' when you say 'I do not want to go to lunch with you' or other things. You know what I mean? End the conversation immediatly with "NO, I don't want to xxxx". Firm and decisive. Take all the wind out of her sails.
I do see. I have so far to go in practicing DB/DR guidelines. I often feel like I have screwed up most of my M being on autopilot and I struggle to take back control rather than doing my usual more of the same sh*t.
Quote: You're right about being consistent and predictable. That is the key to any relationship.
Thank you for validating me. I will work to keep that tenet in the forefront of my mind at ALL times. More me work to do on me in laying the groundwork for the restoration and reconciliation of my M.
Quote: Keep it up!
I certainly will. I cannot think of anything better than me to be working on than me because I know that I will receive my own lifelong gift from myself by molding a better me and that better me will be the right person to build a better M with my W when she decides she does want her M and H back; both being stronger, healthier, whole and much better.
