Quote: ...but I believe your "pair" is probably fine. I know he said you only need to grow them, or rather, display the pot they're growing in to your W now and then, but the bottom line is that I believe you to have a pair, and know how to use them, you just don't when it comes to her...
This is true. For some reason I surrendured my ability to be me when I began pursuing her. I believe this goes back long before her to my own feelings of not being good enough so I chose a mate who would help me live out my deep-rooted feelings of inadequacy. Strange thing is, I pursue this in my primary love relationship. Fertile are of work with my C.
Quote: ...for good reason; she's convinced you that the only value you have is what you do for her.
Again, this is what I re-inforced for her during OR. Not good, but also not permanent. Lots of work to repair though.
Quote: In my sitch, I have the benefit of asking my W to do for me in reciprocation instead of having to just quit doing for her altogether.
She says that she will do favors for me. Problem is, I ALMOST NEVER ask her to do anything for me. I suppose this goes with my martyr behavior. On rare occassion I will ask and although she will generally satisfy my request, it is only after the "do I have to, I really don't want to" facial expressions/body language.
Quote: HH, you have a pair, of that I am sure, just recognize that your life is now yours, something your W will have to come to understand sooner (better) or later (worse).
With the encouragement of my brethren here,I have remembered that, yes, I do have a pair. I am only now discovering that behaving like and honoring my true self is a desirable trait and doing so may, very well, hasten the end of my M (& hopefully will NOT) but will also insure that MY life going forward will be fulfilling and that I will be happy, healthy and whole. I am hoping that she comes to recognize that I am a person worthy of her respect sooner rather than later also. I don't want it to happen too late for us to reconcile. I am keeping my foot in the door and the light on for her.
