I buy a card, sign it...and then keep it. I actually did buy Sweetheart a small token when I went to Leavenworth for our anniversary...and gave it to him. But I made it sound casual...told him I bought it with spare change for a buck. It was a jade charm for Luck on a string. I told him he could use it as a key chain.
But I didn't send it to him...and I didn't give him the card. I put the charm with his mail and gave it to him when he stopped by.
This is sort of like when a child has gone missing and the parents and grandparents buy gifts every year and keep them wrapped and in storage.
As of today, we are now discussing how to start divorce mediation, which will happen soon. A hard step for me to accept but it is better than expensive dueling lawyers.
Yesterday was our 19th wedding anniversary. I did not contact her nor did I send flowers or any gift, which is the first time in 19 years. She emailed me in late morning, saying loving words about our marriage and how yesterday's weather was a mirror-image to the perfect weather we had 19 years ago. She spoke of her pain.
I ackowledged all she said and noted that 19 years ago I married her for life, through the better, through the worse. I loved her then, I love her now.
I did not appeal for her to return, tell her she is making a huge mistake or anything in that vein.
It appears October will be our month to go through a series of sessions on divorce mediation.
Alex, I am sorry you are moving so quickly along to the mediation track. I will watch with interest as I am there too (though not so quickly as it has been 2 yrs since the bomb). I admire that you are able to relate to your w without resorting to making her feel guilty about leaving or telling her that she is making a BIG mistake. Now that is something I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut about.
The anniversary dates are hard. At least you did get an acknowledgemt of the date from your w, if belated. It may not be a baby step towards reconcilliation but it is nice in its way and certainly better than the hate-filled stuff that some of our friends here are subjected to.
I wish you the best, and all the peace that may come to you thru this process. xxx Amy
I haven't been on here for several months. In October I came down with a bad case of shingles, which sent me to the hospital for 5 days. I had it in my left ear, as as a result, I lost my hearing in that ear.
I had one divorce mediation session with my w, then my sickness and the holidays interrupted all of that. This month we have our second mediation session. She expresses no interest in reconciling or worjing out any issues, comes by the house about 3 times a week now to walk our dog.
I would still like to save our marriage but it looks like Virginia law will force a divorce to happen.
My ENT specialist says the hearing loss is permanent but I have heard cases from people whose hearing came back after 1-2 years. I am hoping my hearing will come back, but that's all I can do about it since it is just a matter of waiting (no meds, no surgery, no nothing).
It's not new that my W is walking the dog, though she seems to be doing it more frequently since our dog had surgery for a cancer tumor. "Remember about the reconnection process--the pets are first, "they" say!" I hope "they" are right in this instance.
